Advertising

by Dan Abromowitz

Do you realize how lucky we are to be alive when Furious 7 is coming out? When the early moviegoers saw The Great Train Robbery in 1903, they screamed and cowered because they thought the oncoming train would punch right through the screen and crash the banks (history would prove them right). If Furious 7 came out then, no Mortimer or Beatrice would be able to even make it through this trailer without screaming out their teeth and pissing out their whole circulatory system. Watching Paul Walker run up a bus off a cliff, their bodies would literally burst in a slurry of hot gut gravy and bone croutons. Nowadays, of course, that would never happen, because there's fluoride in the water.