Woman shames sister for divorcing husband because of his son; 'I think it's wrong.'
Marriage is difficult for any couple, especially if there's a sudden plot twist in the relationship. Let's say you marry someone and agree to not have kids. And then, out of nowhere, your partner discovers that they have a child who you now have to take care of.
What do you do? When this woman judges her sister for leaving her husband over his 'new son,' she takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:
'AITA - I told my sister is think it’s wrong she’s getting divorced over her husband’s son?'
My sister is 30 and is married to a man who she, and our family, love. They’ve said they wanted to be “child free” since they met 4 years ago. They had a nice life, where they both worked, have a dog, nice house, etc. About a year ago, he found out that he had a son.
The mother was an acquaintance he slept with 6 years ago, who had never told him about him. She passed away, and her elderly mother has too many health issues for her to have custody. So he went to live with them. -pomelo_764
Oh man. A secret son? That's quite the unexpected twist...
He’s an amazing little kid, and our family has grown to love him too. So we were all shocked a month ago when my sister said her and him were going to separate - she said she loves her husband, but she can’t take being a stepmother anymore, and that everything from not being able to watch adult shows at all hours of the day to asking him to do his homework makes her miserable.
I mean, to be fair, this woman said she did not want kids.
Her husband is absolutely devastated, as they have always had a happy marriage and still love each other - she’ll be the first one to say this. He didn’t want children either, but understands he’s the only parent this boy has now.
I also found out that this little boy is taking the fact that she’s moving out and taking their dog (she was hers originally) very hard, no doubt due to the loss he’s already experienced, and I felt devastated by that.
She took the dog? Oooffff, is this sister an AH for just abandoning ship?
When we were at our parent’s house last weekend, I asked to talk to her and after some back and forth, I told my sister it seemed wrong and selfish to hurt not only her husband but also her step son this way, after not even a full year of trying to make it work.
Ehh...was this the OP's place to say this? I'm not so sure...
She didn’t take that well and hasn’t spoken to me since. Essentially she said she’s never wanted children and wants no part of raising one, and that I have no right to call her wrong or selfish over that. My family seems to agree with me on this, but my mom is very upset that my sister is furious with me and the family members that agree with me. AITA?
Well, is OP an AH? Let's take a look and see what Reddit had to say.
YTA. You don't actually know what her life has been since the boy came to live with them. She didn't sign up to raise a child, to do his laundry, take him to school, help with his homework...She doesn't want to be any kind of parent. That's her right. - primarycriticism290
Props to the sister for trying for that long! I wouldn’t have lasted a week. OP is definitely TA and needs to realize that it’s better for her sister and the child that her sister remover herself from the situation if she isn’t 110% on board with raising a kid. -exquisitemouthfeel
If OP is so concerned, she should step up and help raise the child. OP says the family loves the kid. Dad can visit and be involved as much as he wants without screwing up relationship with his wife. Sis/wife and her dog would still be in the kid's life in a way that doesn't make her resent the poor little guy. Is it perfect? No. But there is no perfect for this little boy in this situation.
OP is the TA. It sounds like the family just expects her to do what women have always been expected to do. Sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of the family. Stay in an unhappy situation for your entire life, just because. -scorpionmittens