Austin Michael Symonds, 18, does not need to be kept any weirder. (via KEYE)

Residents of Austin, TX often sport shirts urging everyone to "Keep Austin Weird," but a young man named Austin Michael Symonds may have taken that motto way too seriously. Austin (a resident of the Austin, TX suburb of Georgetown) was just arrested for rubbing his balls all over a stuffed Hawaiian pizza that a customer was getting ready to pick up. The restaurant at which Austin worked, Papa Murphy's, specializes in pre-prepared (but uncooked) pizzas customers can bake at home. So, just to be clear, we're talking about this dude's balls on cool, wet dough stuffed with extra cheese and topped with chunks of cold, wet pineapple, cheese, and thick slices of Canadian bacon. 

Sources: KEYE TV | Austin Statesman | Gawker