Who needs a lawyer? No, seriously, I need a lawyer. (via Pasco County Sheriff's Office)

Despite the fact that it might seem like this story was generated using a giant Florida-themed Boggle set, it did in fact happen in the real Florida. I guess legalizing gay marriage today didn't actually change all that much.

John Balmer, 50, was standing in line at a Kmart in Hudson, FL (just north of Tampa) when he made a series of very dumb decisions. Balmer's first two bad choices happened before he even left the house, when he decided to carry on his person a large bag of weed and meth and then don a shirt that said "Who needs drugs? Seriously, I have drugs."

Sources: Tampa Bay Times