Lifehack: Do not put in pants.
I really don't want this to come off as some kind of endorsement of thievery—I would like the record to clearly show that I don't think anybody should be stealing anything from anybody—but I don't think that chainsaws make for very good shoplifting marks.
Again, please don't steal, but if you're going to shoplift something by sticking it in your pants and then casually walking out of your local hardware store, maybe choose something smaller like a screwdriver or a handful of loose wingnuts. Hell, I'll bet they won't even come running after you for a dozen or so wingnuts.
But a chainsaw? Well, observe this video here and see if you can figure out the problem:
Yeah, it's kind of big, right? Sort of looks like he has a giant chainsaw in his pants, huh? Miraculously, Mr. Chainsaw-Down-His-Pants somehow got far enough away from the scene of the crime the stash the chainsaw in the woods, but was subsequently caught by police when he went to retrieve it.
As dumb as this crime is, I suppose it could have been worse. The chainsaw could have been running.
(by Dennis DiClaudio)