Doo doo dooo doo doo....I'm a domestic assault perpetrator!
The Hamburgler is shaking his head today at how low-class the modern-day McCriminal has become. 21-year-old Marvin Tramaine Hill II (yes, the second) was arrested Tuesday in Des Moines, Iowa for simple domestic assault, after pelting his pregnant wife with a McChicken sandwich. It was, needless to say, a very unhappy meal.
Why did Martin Tramaine Hill II use a McChicken sandwich as a weapon against his pregnant spouse, you wonder? Well, as he told police, it was "because he doesn't like them." He was sleeping on the couch at 1 p.m., you see (like a good husband of a pregnant woman does on a Tuesday), when his wife woke him up to offer him the McChicken sandwich. He admitted to police that this injustice made him upset, and he started yelling at his wife and threw the sandwich at her. He then picked up the bun and threw it again for good measure.
How could you not like a sandwich that has its own Wikipedia page?
So far, this man is a bad husband and stupid, but here's where he enters a new level of McTrashiness: after his wife went to the bathroom to clean up the McMess from the thrown sandwich, he followed her in there with his cell phone camera filming. Police say they believe he then intentionally provoked her so she would slap the phone out of his hands (which she eventually did, according to cops who watched the video), so that she would later look bad on film.
He then proceeded to mash the bun into her nose, which is why police believe they found her face covered in mayonnaise and her nose bruised when they arrived. Martin remains at the Polk County Jail as of press time.
I wonder how he likes the food.
(by Johnny McNulty)