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Aww, I'd adopt him.

29-year-old Johnnie Fletcher Gooden, Jr. walked into a Chase Bank in Bryan, Texas, claiming to be the adopted son of Michelle Obama and asking for access to her bank account. Unfortunately for him, the Obamas don't have an account at Chase Bank in Bryan, Texas (I assume they're shoebox-under-the-bed people), nor do they have an adopted 29-year-old son, as everyone in the country knows because they're the most famous people in America. Next time you want to pretend to be a wealthy couple's adopted son, pick someone no one's ever heard of. Also, be under the age of 18.

Sources: Opposing Views | Houston Chronicle