Suspect and judge get into extremely entertaining, Tarantino-esque insult match in court.

Suspect and judge get into extremely entertaining, Tarantino-esque insult match in court.

When you're already in jail for one crime and then you get accused of murder, you don't have much to lose. As one convict named Denver Allen figured, you might as well tell the judge to suck your dick.

And in the left corner, it's Denver "Donkey Dick" Allen.

Allen, a man now and forever known as Donkey Dick, flipped out when Floyd County Superior Court Judge Bryant Durham (a.k.a. "Fuckman") denied his request to be appointed a new public defender. Donkey Dick, who had allegedly beaten another inmate to death, said his current Public Defender couldn't adequately represent him unless he had Allen's dick in his mouth.


As the court transcripts reveal, the rest of the court proceedings devolved into a cross between a South Park playground brawl and a Ted Bundy fantasy, with both the inmate and the judge taking turns escalating.

As Judge Durham immediately noted, "This is going to be an interesting trial."

There's no wrong way to deliver a "your mamma" joke.

It reads:

MR. ALLEN: Go fuck yourself. I'm here, are y'all done?

THE COURT: I-I am finding- I'm finding you in contempt of court.

MR. ALLEN: I don't care.

THE COURT: I know you don't. And I sentence you to twenty days for that. And if you say anything else, I'm going to add twenty days for everything you say.

MR. ALLEN: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Forty days.

MR. ALLEN: Fuck you again.


MR. ALLEN: Go fuck yourself.

THE COURT: A year.

MR. ALLEN: Your mamma.

THE COURT: Ten years.

MR. ALLEN: Suck my dick.

THE COURT: You know something, this is going to be an interesting trial.

MR. ALLEN: Oh yeah?

THE COURT: Oh, yeah.

MR. ALLEN: You're not supposed to smile in court. You know that if you smile-

THE COURT: I can smile anytime I want to.

MR. ALLEN: - it's a violation


As you can see, Judge Fuckman was game to go tit-for-tat with Donkey Dick, creating one of the most hilarious court transcripts in history. Among the wreckage, Donkey Dick admitted that he "likes boys with big butts" and declared Fuckman a "horse ass, dick-sucking ass, big butt, fuckman ass cracker."

Yes, I am calling you stupid.

THE COURT: Listen, if you do not-

MR. ALLEN: Suck my dick, you stinking-ass cracker.

THE COURT: If you act like this- if you act like this, I will send you out of the courtroom-

MR. ALLEN: Old bitch-ass cracker.

THE COURT: -and leave you out of the courtroom during trial.

MR. ALLEN: Horse-ass cracker.

THE COURT: Do you understand that?


Surprisingly, he did not "understand that."

MR. ALLEN: Horse-ass, dick-sucking-ass-

THE COURT: Do you understand that?

MR. ALLEN: -big-butt-

THE COURT: Do you understand that?

MR. ALLEN: -fuckman-ass cracker.

THE COURT: Do you understand that?

MR. ALLEN: Getting mad, ain't you


MR. ALLEN: Or red-faced?

THE COURT: Listen!

MR. ALLEN: Now, you're calling me stupid.

THE COURT: Listen! Yes I am.

MR. ALLEN: This is kangaroo court

THE COURT: You know what, you have a constitutional right to be a dumbass

Judge Fuckman responded that Donkey Dick had a "constitutional right to be a dumbass," and that's when Donkey Dick decided to threaten to kill the judge, his whole family, and chop his children into bits.

"I thought you were referring me to my motherfucking dick."

THE COURT: You have a constitutional right to be a dumbass.

MR. ALLEN: -and jump around like a fucking kangaroo, you dumb bastard?

THE COURT: Well, if you-

MR. ALLEN: Suck my dick. I ain't-

THE COURT: - if you- if you-

MR. ALLEN: - listening to nothing you say.

THE COURT: If you come in here Monday week and-

MR. ALLEN: How about this? I'll kill your whole family. When I get in this trial, I will murder your while family. I'll cut your children up into pieces. I'll knock their brains out with a fucking hammer and feed them to you.

THE COURT: Are-are you taking this down


THE COURT: Okay. I am going to refer you to the district attorney's office.

MR. ALLEN: I don't give a fuck who you're referring to

THE COURT: I-I'm just telling you.

MR. ALLEN: I thought you were referring to my motherfucking dick, fuckman.

THE COURT: Aggra-aggravated aggravated assault, terroristic threats, and we'll just add to it.


That's not how you get out of a murder charge, bro.

Although the Fuckman warned Donkey Dick that he needed to keep the public defender he had because he is too stupid to represent himself in court, Donkey Dick was intent on showing off his legal prowess, saying, "I'm not supposed to be in jail. I was framed. That motherfucker asked me to eat his ass for a bag of coffee."

Pretty reasonable defense. If you put your ass in the way of someone's coffee, you're bound to get killed. Eventually the courtroom degraded into a "kangaroo court" in which the judge dared Donkey Dick to pull his dick out and jack off on him.

"Come on... jack off."

MR. ALLEN: -I'll pull it out and jack on you.

THE COURT: Okay. Why don't you do that right now.

MR. ALLEN: I jack on white boys-

THE COURT: Why don't you do it right now?

MR. ALLEN: -just like I jack on females.

THE COURT: Do it now.

MR. ALLEN: I ain't got- I ain't got but-

THE COURT: I don't care.

MR. ALLEN: Take off the cuffs

THE COURT: How many hands do you have to have to do it.

MR. ALLEN: Take off the cuffs.

THE COURT: Come on-no. Jack off.

MR. ALLEN: This is kangaroo court.

THE COURT: Come on. Jack off.

MR. ALLEN: This is-this is a kangaroo court.

THE COURT: Jack off right now.

MR. ALLEN: Are y'all getting this?

THE COURT: Yes, they're getting it.

MR. ALLEN: I'm-I'm-I'm going to make sure. This guy done called me stupid. This motherfucker done told me he was going to suck my dick.

THE COURT: I did not say that.


Let the record show, that Judge Fuckman did not, in fact, say he was going to suck Donkey Dick's dick. He only told him to jack off.

If you're looking for something to supplement Quentin Tarantino's library of filth and violence, go ahead and read the entire colorful transcript here.