Last weekend, Jamie Barnes returned to her house in South Memphis, Tennessee to find that not only had her house been broken into, but that the burglars had decided to stop for a quickie on her couch, Huffington Post reports. How rude!
As if breaking in and then third wheeling her wasn't bad enough, the burgling couple (burgle buddies? burgle-lovers?) also ransacked the house. “It’s horrible in there. It’s absolutely horrible in there. It’s like they just had a big old nasty party,” Barnes told WREG TV. “Walk in and they’re having sex on my couch. I pick up my broom, I wanted to hit that man so bad.”
Instead, Barnes chased the man out of the house, while he kept saying, “I don’t know nothing!” over and over (maybe he meant he "don't know nothing" about how to burgle, because you should always leave the house right after, not stop to have sex). He is still at large.
The female burgle-lover wasn't so lucky (typical!). She stayed behind and apparently she tried to cover up by putting on one of the victim's dresses. “She tried to grab one of my dresses and put it on and I snatched it from her ― ‘What are you trying to do?’” said Barnes.
According to the police department, jewelry, appliances, shoes and clothing were reported stolen from her house. Barnes is apparently also looking for a new home, which makes sense. Probably a new couch, too.