Kids shouldn't be taking more tests than Colin Farrell's sexual partners—and they should at least have brighter futures.

If you are a kid, have kids, or are concerned that you will soon have to work with "the kids" who are being tested into insanity with no measurable benefit, you should watch this video. It's pretty long, but it's full of the kind of anti-testing facts and outrage that will make you a hit at the next PTA meeting or at the parents table of a kid's birthday party. If you don't have too much time, however, let me give you the highlights:

  • Kids are tested so much and so often that entire high school grades are rebelling and skipping tests.
  • The stress of the tests makes so many kids throw up that test administrators are drilled on what to do with vomit-covered essay books.
  • Nevertheless, American students regularly underperform compared to developed countries.
  • The main use of tests is to put pressure on teachers through "accountability," which actually penalizes good teachers because their "performance" is judged on how their students should do. So if they've already taught kids well, they're given a higher bar than terrible teachers. If your student should get higher than a perfect score, the teacher is screwed.
  • Our formula for predicting kids' scores is apparently borrowed from an algorithm used to predict what cows should mate. (That's at about 8:00, you might want to double-check me on that one).
  • The tests are terrible measurements of ability and rank adults with Masters degrees as poor readers.
  • They also inexplicably rank high-performing students lowly, destroying self-esteem and futures.
  • Who do they benefit, anyway? For-profit testing companies like Pearson, who have a stranglehold on tests, textbooks for that tests, disability tests, and GED administration. The demonstrated inaccuracy and awfulness of these tests, which often don't even make sense (see the Pineapple Question at 12:30), have no impact on their profit margins.
  • Also, they're graded by idiots from Craigslist.
  • Scores are determined by quota, not the actual performance.
  • The past 15 years have actually made our scores worse compared to other countries.
  • We're doomed.
  • We're all doomed.
  • Oh god, we're all doomed.
Sources: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver