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Evil triumphs again. (via KPTV)

Whoever is running the campaign to keep Portland weird can take a little rest, dude's got you covered. 

By 7am this Tuesday, Konrad Bass had dressed himself in chain mail, donned a helmet and shield, grabbed his sword, and run into traffic to attack a woman's BMW. He had also taken LSD. Lots and lots of LSD.   

The woman who owned the BMW called the incident into the police as a pirate attack, but Bass cleared up the confusion. As he told authorities, he wasn't a pirate, or just some LARPer puncturing a red Beemer with a sword. No, he was "a high elf engaged in battle with evil Morgoth." So proud of him. It takes a lot of bravery for just one elf to go up against J.R.R. Tolkein's character from the prequel to "Lord of the Rings" known to be responsible for spawning all evil. This is probably how he saw events going down that morning:

Sources: voactiv | Gawker