$30 for portobello mushrooms? That's a steal! (image via Reddit)
We like this story from the crime blotter for Steamboat Springs, Colorado, because it implies that the granddaughter really had no idea what happened. Otherwise, why would she have told her grandmother about it at all? As far as this girl is concerned, she purchased some perfectly innocent chocolate-covered portobellos—"Guess this is a Colorado thing!"—and then was shocked to find killer giraffes out to get her. She must have been genuinely worried the giraffes were still on the loose. We're not very good at skiing, so we don't know what we'd do if giraffes started chasing us down a hill. Probably just ask them what they want.