1. The time a scrotum ran a marathon to raise cancer awareness.
Please show your support to @jack_woodward92 London Marathon GIANT TESTICLES POWER!! https://t.co/HQM8p4cyBA pic.twitter.com/1y3iXOTXCw
— Mr Testicles (@MrTesticles) April 24, 2015
What you expect from genitals is personal, but probably not as varied as it could be. A penis can be used in all sorts of unexpected and surprising ways if you have the imagination and flexibility to let in something new. For example, Jack Woodward ran the London Marathon dressed as testes to raise money for cancer research. That scrotum not only promoted cancer awareness, it ran a damn marathon! And that's just the base of what a penis can be. Let's move onto the main event.
Here are 10 examples of gonads that really went above and beyond the norm. If you've never been impressed by a phallus maybe this is the list that'll make you say, "Oooooooh!"
2. The time Wanksy the street artist drew dicks to get potholes filled.
An anonymous artist who calls himself Wanksy started using temporary paint to tag potholes in his town with wangs to call attention to the terrible state of the roads and warn bikers from a distance. Now those holes are getting filled.
3. The time a guy made a dildo cremains holder.
You carry a little piece of them inside you. (via Mark Sturkenboom)
Mark Sturkenboom designed a dildo that can hold up to 21 grams of a loved one's ashes, so you can be reunited with them again and again. A sexual experience that can connect you to the afterlife is more than you've ever even wanted to dream of.
4. The time they put a camera on the end of a vibrator for "vagina selfies."
Complain all you want, selfies are here to stay. Thankfully, we have the makers of the "Svakom Gaga USB Rechargeable Camera Intimate View Endoscope Vibrator" to innovate new ways to overshare. You may have casually wondered what it looks like on the inside (and more intensely wondered how it feels), but would need a sterile doctor interaction to see. Now you can do it yourself or with another interested party! Thank you, love stick.
5. The time the throne from "Game of Thrones" was remade as a dick chair.
Bondara is a sex toy company so that explains why they transformed the Iron Throne into a dildo sculpture. It doesn't explain why no one else ever thought of it before. Isn't the throne a metaphor for how men are f*cking up the Seven Kingdoms and only the Mother of Dragons can tame it? We know what all those twisted swords REALLY are, George.
6. The time a guy injected his regular penis with 7 pounds of silicone to make a really big penis.
He's not just packing a peel. (via Vice)
Micha is 45-year-old German guy who is into body modification in one very specific place. Over the years, he has injected enough silicone into his penis to enlarge it beyond what most human's can probably endure...on both ends. It weighs 7 pounds and requires a lot of care, but Micah is both dedicated and comfortable with his body. Truly an inspiration for anyone who wants to walk a path less taken.
7. The time archeologists found a 250-year-old dildo in the toilet.
Poop preserved. (Image from the Regional Office of the Protection of Monuments, via Discovery News)
This is a dick that helps us remember our place in history. On a cosmic scale, human evolution is merely the blink of an eye. How many crude, penis shaped objects did our ancient ancestors carve from tree roots or fashion by banging two rocks together? One day we too shall perish, leaving behind only dust and maybe a dildo we dropped down a latrine by accident. We're just a link in a chain, my friends.
8. The time a mom made this penis cake and shared it with her daughter.
Oh, hey. (via Imgur)
If your mom is a professional cake-maker, you've probably seen it all. It's unclear if this person's mom is specifically an erotic cake-maker or if this is for a baby shower (It's a Boy!), but it sure looks tasty. Great job, mom. Thanks for opening our minds to how friendly and delicious a dong can be.
9. The time a penis was successfully transplanted onto someone who needed it.
It was their first time. (via Sky News)
Doctors in Cape Town completed the first successful penis transplant, using microscopic surgery to connect small blood vessels and nerves. It's the same technique that was used for the lady who got a face transplant. It took 9 hours to complete and FIVE YEARS to plan. This penis is a metaphor for possibilities.
10. The time someone had some seasonal fun.
"Oh no, did I block you in?" (via LOLsnaps)
It's spring, everybody! Let's all celebrate with whatever we're packing.