I hereby announce that I am "Good2Go," whatever that means.

Good2Go is an app that lets potential sexual partners digitally register their sexual consent. The website states the intention of the app as reducing "unwanted encounters and assaults," but really the only protection this app can actually provide is documentation for people falsely accused of rape. Kids these days and their complicated apps signing away their permission for you to have sex with them. #amirite

Ready to have consensual sex? Let's get started. Before I commence with the disrobing, let me sign in to Good2Go, type in my user name (I chose Jane Doe, in honor of all those before me that could not give their consent via phone app) and my real phone number. I am probably on a list of fornicators now. I probably already was.