A news station in New Mexico tested men's beards because the suspected what so many of us know to be true: Beards are way gross.

The modern man matches his jacket to his petri dish of poop particles.
(via Thinkstock/KOAT)

You know what's a great thing to have near the mouth you eat and kiss with (sometimes simultaneously, if you're lucky)? A layer of coarse hair that's full of "the types of things you'd find in (fecal matter)" and "the types of things that cause urinary tract infections." Those are quotes from New Mexico microbiologist John Golbric, who tested swabs taken from men's beards for part of a "Hey, here's something new to be afraid of!" news story for KOAT in Albuquerque.

Full disclosure: I am not a fan of most beards (or mustaches, which are basically above-lip fur caterpillars for CEOs), so I am happy to bring you news that could contribute to their decline. But putting on my impartial writer hat, this is still gross. Hell, the microbiologist was even skeeved out, noting "I'm usually not that surprised. I was surprised by this."

Sources: Vuz TV | KOAT | h/t The Cut