Jesus's mom said I should do it.
The Agony and the Excrement-cy. (via KSBY)
Andrew Gilbertson stood trial Wednesday for the 2013 robbery of a Bank of America in San Luis Obispo, CA. According to KSBY, Gilberston was giving his testimony on the witness stand when court had to be called for recess because the defendant "ate his own feces."
As Gilbertson explained in his testimony, the Virgin Mary told him to dress up and rob the bank. Then, while on the stand, that same Virgin instructed him to reach into his pants, pull out a dookie, and chow down. If you've already guessed that he was seeking a "not guilty by insanity" plea, you win a prize (but that prize might be poop).
Gilberston is not currently on anti-psychotic medication, but that bandage on his head is, according to a mental health expert who observed him, from Gilbertson hitting himself in an attempt to "get the voices out."
It could be speculated that the crap consumption was just a stunt to impress the judge and jury, but if that was the case, he went above and beyond the call of doody. There are a lot of ways to prove you're crazy that don't include being a one-man human centipede.
If I might be one of the voices in Gilbertson's head for a moment, here's a list of things that aren't his own poop that he could have eaten to win an insanity plea:
- a wad of paper
- a ring
- someone else's poop
But why listen to me? I'm no saint. If you can't afford Robert Durst's legal team, I feel like Jesus's mom has got to be a close second. Stay the course, Gilbertson. If the Holy Mother was right about getting pregnant without having sex, then maybe she's right about robbing banks and eating your own poop.