Starbucks is launching a new line of healthy smoothies in stores, to balance all your mocha syrup latte grande Crisco blends.

Starbucks: they have healthy options. (via Getty)

If you were wondering how Starbucks was going to top a birthday cake flavored Frappucino, then here's the answer: with kale. Ahhh, cruel fate that has brought us to this pass! Not sure what's going on with CEO Howard Schultz, but this, plus the #RaceTogether campaign points to some sort of crisis. How do you turn your empire's power to good, Mr. Schultz? By forcing them to confront racism in the time it takes to order a coffee? Or by rolling out healthy smoothie options for your sugar-addled customers? None of these hard-hitting questions would have flown in the Starbucks Newsroom, which released a statement reading:

Sources: Jezebel