The three wise men rode in on freaky giraffes that were like, "AIEEEIAEEEEE."
Every Christmas, there's an "it" toy that all the kids want. This little guy, purchased for $10 at a "knockoff toy store," is not that. This is a satanic giraffe that is hell-bent on your destruction. It shuffles forward jerkily, caught under the spell of an evil wizard. It screams and hisses like a kettle boiling over with arsenic. It bows to an invisible demon god and tries to breathe fire but instead just sits there, impotent, with its creepy pink mouth hanging open. Any child who finds this giraffe under his or her tree is doomed to a life haunted by spirits from the stuffed animal netherworld.
(by Shira Rachel Danan)