Interesting that John McCain only made the list after Sarah Palin showed up....

James Cleavenger, 35, is suing the University of Oregon police department, saying he was fired in October 2012 after trying to report inappropriate behavior by his coworkers. This is important, because his lawsuit revealed the existence of the department's official "Eat A Bowl Of Dicks" list, a list of 225 people and things that, in the expert opinion of the UOPD, should consume a big bowl of penises. 

I don't disagree with these, but boy does this make the UOPD sound like jocks.

According to Cleavenger, the list was maintained by the graveyard shift officers and maintained by Lt. Brandon Lebrecht, who would spend the pre-shift briefing going over the list, adding names and debating the ones that were already on there. Cleavenger stated that oftentimes, the bulk of their 8-hour shifts would be devoted to the list.


Getting a little more meta here. I love that they hate Oregon State's officers.

The University of Oregon confirmed that the list is real and even provided a copy that they had retrieved from an officer's phone, which is what you're enjoying now. 

The UO mascot is a duck (Mallard). ORS 352.385 established campus police.
Adobe Acrobat is a computer program that can seriously eat a bowl of dicks.

Whether or not you find this amusing, I think we can agree that most of us would be fired for spending our work hours doing this. I think we'd have a lot more difficulty agreeing with the actual names on the list, though.


You say "Fraternities" as if that's not already how you get into one.

I mean, Drew Carey (whose name they misspelled)? After all the work he's done to lose weight? You're gonna make him eat a bunch of dicks? Those dicks will go straight to his hips. That's mean.

Fergie is where you draw the line? Al Roker should eat dicks but Fergie is cool?

Not even Cleavenger has claimed the list itself it was malicious, although he did complain about his own personal treatment in the department. He did say that he thought it had gone too far and was offensive, but not with the intent to hurt.


I couldn't have paid for a better list of slightly-too-dated references.

Basically, this is a case of Cleavenger tattling and then being unfairly punished for it. This isn't too unlikely, given that Lt. Lebrecht, who was in charge of the list, is now (according to his LinkedIn profile) in charge of "Professional Standards and Training" as well as "Internal Affairs." Perfect.

I'm surprised the concept of "working" in general wasn't on there.

I can't say that if I had to do it all over again, this would make me go to OU, but maybe if I did it all over again and really screwed it all up, I'd work for the UOPD graveyard shift.


"Snooki, The Situation, Gerard Depardeux" is a sequence of words never before uttered.

Wait... "European Vacation" the activity or the National Lampoon movie?

Kind of a boring way to go out, guys. Always let Beyonce be your closer.

What do you think? Is this the kind of team-building exercise more co-workers should engage in? What percentage of real police departments have similar lists? Most importantly, who did they miss?

(by Johnny McNulty)


Sources: KVAL | Gawker