As I was perusing images for a post yesterday, I accidentally stumbled upon what may be one of the great, overlooked epidemics of our time -- stock photo models who are too sexy to know how to eat fruit right. "Why did no one teach these models how to eat fruit the right way? This is so unfortunate! Something ought to be done!" I thought (because I am nothing if not a humanitarian).
Fruit is delicious, of course, but only if you know how to eat it correctly. For instance, this poor guy is trying to eat a grapefruit bysipping on one of many straws sticking out of his lady friends underwear. I will have you know that this is impossible.
I'm not sure why I have to tell anyone this, but a vagina is not actually a grapefruit, regardless of what stock photography would have you believe!
THIS IS WRONG, PEOPLE. Also, a banana is not a penis.
OR a telephone.
Some people may not think tomatoes should be counted as a fruit (even though they are), but one thing we can all you unite on is that this is not at all how you eat them.
Also who puts a bra on right after they get out of the shower? And then goes to eat tomatoes the wrong way? Everything about this situation is counterintuitive.
I will bet you anything that she got done taking a bath in watermelon and milk. Because that is how these stock models roll, apparently.
I am not going to lie to you and pretend that I have any idea how to eat a dragonfruit properly, but I am 1000% certain it is not by licking the outside of it. That is the part that is not fruit!
This fella is also eating a lemon the wrong way.
And this silly model thinks you eat a pineapple by putting it IN YOUR PANTS.
Maybe the pineapple is supposed to be his penis? That would at least explain what is going on here.
If you, or someone you know, is too sexy to know how to eat fruit, there is help for you. Most likely at the grocery store.