When this woman is concerned that she took things too far, she asks Reddit:
I wasn’t going to post this, but I typed it up so I figured I might as well. Throwaway just in case.
I’m going to try to keep it short, but basically, my partner (21m) and I (23f) went over to his dad and step mom’s house for Christmas Eve, because he was on call Christmas Day. They were having a big dinner party for family and friends.
My partner has a 13 year old sister that he’s very protective of, who has been getting in a bit of trouble this year for participating in some not so safe activities. Sneaking out, sneaking boys into the house at night, got caught vaping at school, etc.
After dinner, a group of us head outside because it’s hotter than hell in there. The older adults and little kids go back inside and leave me, my partner, his sister, and two of his cousins (23f & 21m) outside.
My partner walks away for a minute, and the 23 year old cousin, who is a parent to a five year old child, hands the 13 year old a vape.
Obviously I look at them like they’re crazy because she is 13 years old and has no business doing that shit, and the sister had explicitly promised my partner she wasn’t going to do it anymore. The both immediately start begging me not to tell my partner.
I have absolutely no interest in lying to the man who pays my bills, especially not for a grown ass woman who should know better.
So I send him a text and tell him what’s up. He comes and confronts the girls, basically is like “yo, what’s up with this?” his sister tells him the truth saying “I can’t lie to [name]” the cousin immediately doubles down, lies about it happening, and then starts insulting my partner. We end up saying our goodbyes leaving so he can calm down.
He decides to come back down to the house and tell his dad what was going on. We left after this, so this is what we were told happened: Dad tells step mom what’s going on, and they talk to the cousin.
Step mom says that she isn’t comfortable having the cousin around her daughter unsupervised anymore. Cousin leaves the party.
Fast forward to Christmas Day.
My partner and I are sitting at home, getting ready for my dad to come visit us since he lives a little closer. My partner gets a call from his aunt, the cousin’s mom.
She goes on to tell us what happened after we left, and that because of what happened, the cousin said she didn’t feel like she could look my partner’s parents in the eyes anymore, so she wasn’t coming to Christmas dinner at the aunt’s house.
The aunt cancelled her Christmas dinner because of this. She went on to tell us how we shouldn’t have told his parents about it and that we ruined Christmas.\
Personally, I think that the cousin needs to take responsibility for her own guilt and grow up, but I’ve been wrong before. What do you all think? AITA?
NTA. Vaping can be addictive and the sister is a minor who appears to already be going through some trouble.
The cousin should not be encouraging it or adding to it. If the sister continues to be exposed to bad influence, her problem behavior is likely to continue.
Her parents don't want her vaping, and their wishes need to be respected. Not to mention it's illegal to give a minor that stuff in a lot of places.
You were right to make her parents aware. The aunt is overreacting and needs to sit down with the parents and hear the full story and accept that the cousin did wrong. You are not responsible for the cousin or aunt's bad behavior.
NTA- maybe the aunt should take some responsibility for the fact that her 23 year old thought it was okay to offer a 13 year old a vape (proper term? I’m ancient and the opposite of everything related to “with it”).
You did the right thing and everything else that transpired happened because everyone else was reacting to what an adult did to a child and then repeatedly lied about.
No, I wouldn’t want that person around my kids either, especially alone, and if that made them feel like they couldn’t look me in the eye again, well, maybe that will make them think twice (or however many times are necessary to get them to make the right decision) before offering my child something harmful.
You did the right thing and the aunt calling to guilt trip y’all is an excellent example of why their child is the way they are.