1. A video will surface of Jennifer Lawrence farting in sweatpants while feeding the family of stray kittens that live in her back yard.
2. At a meet-and-greet with fans, she'll slip and split her pants. Not wanting to disappoint fans, she'll conduct the rest of the meet-and-greet with a table-cloth wrapped around her waist.
3. When Charlie Rose asks her what she hopes to do with her career in the future she'll roll her eyes like, "Jeez I don't know!" Then she'll laugh and accidentally snot rocket onto Charlie Rose's tie.
4. She'll get a cold sore on her upper lip for like a month.
5. Jennifer Lawrence will rescue Ryan Gosling and Corey Booker from a burning car. When Corey Booker passes out on the sidewalk, everyone will assume it must have been from smoke inhalation, until Jennifer Lawrence says with a deep-throated chuckle, "Nope. I farted."
6. A young fan will ask Jennifer Lawrence for her autograph at a premiere. Instead of an autograph, Jennifer Lawrence and the fan will become pen pals, writing letters to each other every month for the next thirty years.
7. She'll get her head stuck in a bannister.
8. She'll meet Michelle Obama and act like a total fan girl until she farts and starts apologizing for it. Michelle will ask her what she ate and Jennifer Lawrence will say, "Just some Pizza Bagels."
9. While escorting a group of underprivileged children for their weekly trip to Chuck E. Cheez, the animatronic tambourine playing badger will malfunction. So Jennifer Lawrence will get up on stage and play tambourine with the animatronic band.
10. While riding a city bus on Christmas eve, she'll strike up a conversation with the bus driver. The two of them will hit it off and agree to go see Grudge Match together. After the movie, Jennifer Lawrence will be able to sense that the bus driver has no one to spend Christmas with, so she'll ask him to come spend it with her family. "They're really messed up and you'd be doing me a favor to have a friend there," she'll say to him so it sounds like he's doing her a favor and not the other way around.
Or she'll just tell more stories about dealing with her massive collection of butt plugs.
(by Bob Powers)