When this woman is anxious about her fiance's family Christmas, she asks Reddit:
This year, my fiance (26M) and I (27 human) got engaged, and I agreed to join him and his extended family for Christmas.
Only problem is the food. I used to have a very serious eating disorder, and was hospitalized (Anorexia w binge/purge). I've gotten over the worst, w/a few small slipups, and I still struggle with food, and count calories, BUT have not purged in 6 months (a big record for me!)
Going low-carb a few years ago REALLY helped me start to eat more normally, and not get triggered. I love food and cooking, and this diet, along with being more health conscious has allowed me to enjoy food/eating again, even if I still struggle, and I'm grateful for it.
I avoid too much sugar, & processed food & High Fructose Corn Syrup. I read food labels and try to avoid ANYTHING with unnecessary added sugar that isn't a dessert.
I don't eat fast food, and don't eat bread, rice, or pasta, though since dating my fiance, I've loosened up a little, and occasionally will eat healthier carbs, (buckwheat, chickpeas, lentils).
I do enjoy some treats and sweets, but it's important that they're made of good, real ingredients, and not processed, or generic storebought prepackaged treats.
(I love baking, and am more comfortable eating my own homemade treats, because I know what's in them & the flavor is way better than storebought).
My fiance's family is more Standard American Diet, and Im worried there wont be much I can eat. His family eats pasta on XMas Eve, and most of the sides they have Xmas day are carby, or have sugar or processed ingredients, & storebought pie for dessert.
I don't want to be difficult, I never ask anyone to make anything special for me, but I'm NOT willing to give up my diet, even for one day. I don't want to be triggered. I also don't feel good if I eat too many carbs or processed food.
(Get bloated, heavy, and gassy), and get really anxious & can't enjoy myself because I feel guilty, even if I resist purging. I also am very conscious of my health. My eating disorder damaged my health, and trying to be as healthy as possible going forward is very important to me.
I'm sure there will at least be a salad or some side dish there I can eat, & the main is meat, which is fine, but most sides, snacks, and desserts (storebought/processed) are things I wouldnt eat, and I want to enjoy my holiday meal, (and be able to have a dessert I'd like).
WIBTA if I brought a side dish and a homemade dessert that I know I could feel okay eating and enjoy? I would make enough for everyone, and bring them as a contribution to the meal.
I don't want to seem weird or rude, or offend his family, but I worry it would be rude to show up and not be willing to eat most of the food, and I don't want them to think they have to make anything special for me, or feel bad if there's nothing I can eat.
I don't know if theyd think it rude if I brought some food, but it would be extra dishes for everyone, and would allow me to enjoy a special holiday meal and treat as well. Thoughts? AITA?
My SO is very understanding and supportive of my diet, and usually loves the low carb meals I cook, (low carb definitely doesn't mean not tasty or flavorful!) and is willing to order less/no carbs if we're eating out and splitting something.
I do most of the cooking, because I enjoy it, (he cooks sometimes, but isn't a super confident or experienced cook, so oftentimes he'll ask me for a recipe, or he'll be willing to cook as long as I can instruct him how) so he basically follows my diet unless we're eating out or going to an event or something.
I'm fine with him eating what he wants if he's cooking for himself or we're going out, just I'm not really willing to cook food that might be triggering for me, and I'm a pretty good cook and love finding new recipes and coming up with my own, so he rarely has any complaints, beyond jokes about missing pasta every now and then.
He's told me that his family is pretty attached to their traditions, and there's some 'traditional' family recipes that they always make.
I get the impression that they may be sensitive or think I'm rude because of some of the stories he's told me (for example... His grandpa has a 'traditional' green bean casserole recipe that he always makes and is extremely proud of.
There's another family member who makes a green bean casserole as well, that's BETTER than grandpa's, but people will go out of their way to make sure that both get eaten, in order to avoid offending grandpa, who's so attached to his recipe.)
My girl. I love you and your strength. Your partner is showing you that he’s wonderful when it’s not throwing a wrench in his own ideals. He straight up uninvited you from not only from a family gathering but Christmas gathering. If hes not understanding now he wont be when life gets messy and hard. Please think about all of this.
Hey girl. You deserve better than this. This man lacks empathy and fundamentally doesn't care enough about your recovery or your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing enough to let you bring some dishes to Christmas dinner.
That is wild. His post reeks of the kind of ignorance that you would have to fight tooth and nail to abate. I understand you might want to educate him because you love him, but I am frankly doubtful that your attempts would get through. And I think your attempts might hurt you.
There are people out there who would be incredibly loving and understanding about this. I'm willing to bet they would be better partners all around than this man.