TL; DW! (Too long, didn't wash.) 

We request one from Pynchon: "A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now, because this time the screaming is born from bacteria spread by unwashed hands bearing fecal matter." We also request one from Cormac McCarthy: "With the first gray light he rose and left the boy sleeping so he could wash the filth of the apcalypse from his hands. The world has died, but hygiene needn't." And finally, one from E.L. James: "Before you shove those things in me, can you wash your hands first?"

Sources: BuzzFeed