He had a face only a mailbox could love.

If you didn't want people to stuff your mailbox, you shouldn't have made it so sexy. (via)

Like countless drunks before him, Paul Bennet, 45, found himself too heavily intoxicated to not have sexual relations with a mailbox.

According to one pervert who watched the whole thing from her window in Wigan, England, an obviously intoxicated Bennet pulled down his pants in an outdoor shopping area and started touching himself as he "started to make sexual advances" towards the public mail receptacle.

Prosecuting attorney Katie Beattie recounted what the witness saw for the court:

"His arms were raised in a star position, as he continued to expose himself while shouting 'wow.'"

I would have given anything to be in that courtroom to watch the prosecutor act this out. A quick Google search tells me a star position looks like this:

Sources: Manchester Evening News | h/t Gawker