Woman asks if she was wrong to let sister live rent-free without asking husband.
Having a family member with a disability can be extremely difficult. The family has to ask questions like, who will their caretaker be? How will they function in society? What if one family member has to suddenly become their caretaker after their original guardian passes away? Well, the internet has a story for this exact circumstance.
When this Reddit user's mother dies, she decides to move her disabled younger sister into her and her husband's home, without really consulting the husband. And then, the husband does something equally as shady. When this woman finds out that her husband was charging her sister rent, she takes to the popular Reddit Forum to ask:
'AITA for demanding my husband to pay back the money that he'd been secretly taking as 'rent' from my disabled sister who's living with us?'
The OP is the wife.
I am F30 and my sister F23 is disabled. she can't work because of her immobility but receives benefits (SSDI) due to her disability. She used to live with our mom who passed away 8 months ago..It'd been hard for us, I took my sister in to live with me and my husband, but I didn't really consult him first. Because, this is my SISTER. - throwaway65009767
Interesting. So the wife didn't feel the need to ask her husband. Not sure how I feel about that. OP goes on...
Note that my husband doesn't take any part of her care whatsoever. He started complaining about my sister from time to time. She cannot get her own place and I would NEVER, and I repeat NEVER ever put her in a care home. My husband is the one usually handles her financials because he's an accountant.
I recently noticed that her benefits money wasn't enough to buy her essential stuff like medical equipment. I didn't much of it til I decided to do the math and found hundreds going missing without an explanation.
Oh no. Where is this money going??
I talked to my sister and she finally admitted that he'd been collecting 'rent money' from her and told her to keep it a secret from me. I was floored....utterly in shock. I called him.
He first denied it then said that it was logical because my sister is an adult living under our roof and so she's expected to pay rent. I screamed my head off on him telling him how f***** up that was because she's disabled!!!
Fair point OP. But then the husband claps back with this.
I demanded he pay back all the money he took from her over the past months. He threw a fit saying it's his house and he gets to say who stays for free and who has to pay. I told him he had to pay it all back or police would have to get involved. He looked shocked at the mention of police and rushed out. AITA?
Well, I'm on the fence. And so is the Reddit mob. Let's take a look at some of their hot takes.
Full stop. NTA. Her husband is stealing from a disabled person. The argument ends there. He is stealing he either pays it back or the police can handle the theft. It’s that simple. All the other details in this story are irrelevant. - chocoklatecakeislife
But check out this other perspective.
Not really. I'd definitely say moving in a disabled family member without discussing it with your partner and them not contributing when able to is an AH move by OP. Husband definitely sucks for doing all this under the table, but having an adult pay rent in some form is certainly understandable. -beanie2019
Instead, the husband's choice was to basically extort money from his sister in law while hiding it from his wife, as well. I mean, what does he do when they have other problems? Just mope about like a small child and wait for his wife to notice he's upset so SHE can start the conversation? OP is very much NTA, and hubby is very much TA. -shaunamom
Then, this controversial take on the situation.
OP is a bit of an AH. Maybe she should be charged rent? Physically disabled doesn't not mean incapable of making decisions. It just may mean that due to the physical disability, they are not able to work/need assistance in physical tasks. -yahunmo
And then this fascinating final take...
Based on how OP described the situation (i.e. she would NEVER let her sister go to a care home) it also seems like the husband may have been put in a situation where he couldn't say no and preserve his marriage and that would make the OP an AH too. I understand where OP is coming from but making such a major decision unilaterally without giving her husband a say does make her an AH. -dragonmom