Mom asks if it was wrong to 'humiliate' sick husband in front of their kids.
When you're husband/wife or significant other is sick, it can be extremely stressful for the whole family. Tensions can really grow when one member of the couple has to become a sudden caretaker for the other. When this Reddit user's husband refuses to follow doctor's orders and she outs his illness to her kids in a 'humiliating' manner, she takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:
'AITA for showing the kids what their dad did?'
Okay, but what did their dad 'do?' OP is the mom by the way.
My husband was staying at the hospital for some health issues. After he got out he started wetting the bed every few nights, we talked to the doctor about it and they gave us meds but they take time so they suggested that my husband use adult diapers temporarily. He said no, and since he's too sick to do anything then I'm the one having to clean up every time. -throwaway134535
Oh no. It can be frustrating when a patient (who is also your husband), refuses to follow instructions. OP goes on...
I grew tired of it. He just kept wetting the bed and not even considering diapers at this point. Yesterday morning was my final straw...I saw that he'd wet the bed again and I just kind of went off. I kept talking but it's like he wasn't hearing me at all because he just kept staring at the wall.
He just had no regard for how difficult it was to help him. The kids heard the fuss and came in asking what was going on. I showed them the state the bed and sheets were in and said 'see your dad keeps wetting the bed and throws a tantrum when asked to wear a diaper'.
A bit rude OP, but I understand her frustration.
They stared and my husband looked shocked. He had them leave the room then said I shouldn't have done that because I humiliated him in front of his kids. I told him he can be less embarrassed and feel less terrible when he stops wetting the bed because he won't follow directions.
He started crying saying he's struggling with his health and said that I was being cruel and descendant towards him now, I'm 'trying' to turn the kids against him as well as shame him infront of them. I'm feeing conflicted on whether I did the right thing. I want him to understand how this has been affecting me as well. AITA for this? The kids ages are 11/13.
Is OP the AH? Hard to say. Reddit responders had some hot and controversial takes on this issue.
NTA at all. I cared for my parent for almost two years. I got PTSD from it. No one is meant to do 24 hour care, Severn days a week, with no support. Carer burnout is very real. -luador
NTA. Which is the reason he won't wear a diaper. 'Oh, in sickness and in health, so this is her duty.' He'd be far too embarrassed to wet the bed if it was a carer. He'd be straight in those diapers. -welpuhii
NTA. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman who has crazy heavy periods, but I no longer understand the embarrassment of wearing diapers when they help you out so much.
They keep you cleaner, you don’t have to worry about leaks as much, and they’re easy to change or dispose of. We really need to help people get past the “I’m an infant if I wear one” mindset to “This is a medical product that improves my quality of life”. -elegiac_elk
Others weren't as sympathetic to OP.
Husband seems to be experiencing a lot of shame and depression and is trying to control what he can about his care, seeing continence aids as another form of humiliation and being disempowered. OP is fed up and at her wits end. I feel sorry for everyone involved but for the adults, ESH. -repulsia
Some even called her TA.
Adults who end up in diapers and the common emotions that have been expressed with this is shame, embarrassment, loss of dignity, loss of identity, helplessness, and fear just to name a few.
Many find having to wear the diapers very demeaning. I can understand your end of it where you're frustrated and done with it but seeking out alternatives would have been the correct move not getting the kids involved. I'm sorry but YTA. -nermalblair