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Woman asks if she's a 'petty feminist' for refusing to take husband's name.

Woman asks if she's a 'petty feminist' for refusing to take husband's name.


Marriage can be tough, especially if the traditions are different for you than they are for your in-laws. For instance, what if you're from one country, where no one cares whether or not you take your husband's last name, and your in-laws are from a country where that's a valued tradition? Well, the internet has this exact story. When this bride to be gets shamed for not wanting to take her husband's last name, she takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:

'AITA for being a 'petty feminist bitch' and refusing to take my husband's last name?'

English is not my first language and i'm on mobile so bear with me. Me (F,26) and my fiance Jake (M,27) have been together for 5 years, we met in college while he was doing an exchange in my country, Belgium (he is from the US). He loved it here so he decided to stay and we are really happy here. I've met his family a few times when we went there to visit them, they've never been to Belgium (important for later). -aitafem

Fascinating....OP goes on.

Now here, women do not take their husband's last name, it is the law. All documents will still be in my maiden name after our wedding (i think it is possible to do all kind of administrative stuff to change my name but i don't want to, all women around me have their maiden name and my fiance agrees that i should keep my name).

Well that's nice of the fiance!

Onto the main issue; 3 days ago, we were doing a zoom call with his family and the topic of the name came up and they were very surprised that i was not taking his name. I explained very calmly that it is the law here and that I had the perfect example of my mom who had a business in her maiden name and only used my father's name when dealing with our school or things like that and that I wanted to take the same approach as her.

Oh no....I'm worried.

Well all hell broke loose. His mom started screaming at me, saying that it is not because I come from a country of peasants that I should punish my fiance and his family, that he was so far away from them because of me and so on. Jake defended me and I tried to calm her down but she turned to her husband while crying that they never came to my country because they know that it is not nearly as good as the US and that i just proved it and FIL said that I was a petty feminist b**** and that he didn't want to listen to such nonsense.

Country of peasants??????? OMG.

They left the call and my fiance conforted me because i was honestly very shocked by their reaction and their insults. I thought it was over but they've been sending hateful messages over the past days, they even got the rest of their family to do it as well and even my parents said that i should try to keep the peace and offer to check into the administrative procedures to change my name, but I really don't want to.

My fiance is conflicted, he grew up in a town where it was very very uncommon for a woman not to take her husband's name and he agrees that it would keep the peace with his family but he does not want to force me and says it is my decision. AITA here?

WOW! This is wild. Is this bride to be the AH? Seems like this family is a bit much. Let's see what Reddit had to say.

NTA. This is not enough. He needs to step up and shut down his family's behavior. Remember, this is the family you are marrying in to. If your fiance can't stop them from harassing you and saying cruel things to you now, what do you think the rest of your life is going to be like? - anchoviemancheese

Call it what it is. Bullying and abuse. They got their whole family to send you aggressive messages. This is harrassment. - highrisecat

Harrassment. TOTALLY!

NTA!!!!! Also, racism. Frankly, their attitude suggests they can't even place the country on a map, and their entire unhinged rambling is based entirely on hyperfictional assumptions they've made about the country and its people.

My guess from their phrasing is that they think it's in Eastern Europe. This whole 'peasant country' rhetoric is something I see coming from racist people in 'the west' when describing just about anything east of Germany. -drunkenvalley

LOL. Good point.

NTA. They are probably Trumpers who think anywhere outside of the US is backwards and probably can’t put Belgium on the map. I’m sorry his parents suck. I didn’t take my husbands last name and he is from rural Southern USA but luckily they have never said anything to my face about it. I live on the west coast USA and totally stole my husband from his region lol. - mindfluxx

NTA. If anything, her fiance's the AH! If he thinks you should be trying to “keep the peace” after his dad called you a b****, he cannot be trusted to have your back if you marry this guy. - consistentcheesecake

Well, there you have it folks. This woman isn't the AH. But there are larger issues to address in this situation. Why do women even HAVE to change their names when they get married?

Is this woman a petty feminist? What are YOUR thoughts?

Sources: Reddit
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