When a young couple had a dispute about how to spend their discretionary funds, the breadwinner took to Reddit to ask if she was the AH (as*hole) in this situation. The question is, who is deserving of the 'fun money' and how is that determined? Here is the story:
So my wife (28F) and I (30F) have been married for 6 years now. She's a SAHM (stay at home mom) to our 3yo daughter. I work as a full stack developer.
Recently, I came to know that my colleague got a job at another company with almost triple his salary. It sounded very lucrative so I asked him how he managed to do it. He told me that he had been doing a data science course at a particular Institute for the past 7 months. So I got the details of the Institute and went to check it out.
The person running the Institute said that they're doing one last batch of students before shutting down the company. The course cost $1000. I thought it sounded like a good investment and I wanted to talk to my wife before enrolling but the person running the Institute said that there was only 1 seat left for the batch so I didn't have much time left.
I spoke to my wife and explained to her about the course and how it would be beneficial for me. I attended 2 demo classes as well and found that the teacher was really amazing. She agreed. So I enrolled immediately for the course.
Yesterday, I saw on my Amazon app that my wife had ordered a $800 handbag for herself. When I asked my wife why she had ordered such an expensive bag, she said that she thought our fun money for this month was $1000.
I said that her bag was very different from a course that would benefit our entire family in the long run. The course would help me get a better job so that we can live more comfortably. My wife said that it doesn't matter what I spent the money on but the fact was that I spent 1000 dollars on myself.
This made me really mad. I said that her bag was of no use to anyone except her ego while this course would help our entire family. I stormed out and came to my brother's house to spend the night here. Since then, my wife has been incessantly calling me crying and asking me to go back home.
I switched off my phone last night and went to bed. When I woke up, there were 500+ calls on my phone. I texted her that I'd be going home after lunch. She replied saying that I was a jerk for not letting her spend as much as I did. AITA (Am I the as*hole)?
Redditors were pretty mixed over this issue. In fact, most of them commented on how the course seemed to be an expensive scam, lol. Here are the top (relevant) responses, served cold:
ESH (Everyone sucks here) - Your wife shouldn't have made such a large purchase without at least letting you know, but you stormed out like a child throwing a temper tantrum rather than sitting down and have a productive conversation. - notlucyintheskye
Her rationale makes no sense. Even by her own logic, you came to her before dropping the large amount on the class. Had she done the same, you could have discussed, TOGETHER, why the bag isn't a reasonable comparison. NTA (Not the as*hole). - lunasey
ESH (Everyone sucks here) - so much wrong with this. 1, this course isn’t going to instantly make you more money like you think. A certificate is nice but there was a lot more that went into your colleague’s hiring so stop pretending like you are doing this as a great sacrifice. You are doing it as a get rich quick scheme. 2, wife handled it incredibly immaturely. 500 calls is serial killer type stuff. - omarade2
ESH (Everyone sucks here). She shouldn't have assumed what the month's fun money was, or how your course was classified; she should have discussed it with you and come to agreement, no matter what the conclusion might actually be. But you went nuclear in no time flat. That wasn't a responsible way to handle this, and it isn't even going to actually fix anything. Blowing up and storming out of the house is not the way to address a marital problem unless you're actually planning on divorce.
So next time you get mad, don't 'go spend the night at your brother's' unless you intend to spend all the nights thereafter there until you can get your own apartment. Stay and talk it out. If you need time to cool off first, tell your wife that you need a little while by yourself to settle down, and put on headphones. - VoyagerVII
NTA (Not the as*hole) for being mad about the difference of an investment in your future and a personal item But YTA (you're the as*hole) for your reaction and the extent that you went to over an argument about a handbag, if that’s something that makes you leave and give her the silent treatment for yikes!
Be a mature adult, keep your cool, go home and talk to your wife, work it out and apologize for your own actions. - Big_Fly_1561
The moral here? Big purchases require communication. As far as the better investment? I'd have to see that handbag.