Businessweek's new cover illustration features a finance guy with a gargantuan erect penis.

Businessweek's new cover illustration features a finance guy with a gargantuan erect penis.
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Except for people who make money from short selling. Their specialty is going down.

Hedge fund managers, as we all remember from the 2000s, are supposed to be the new "masters of the universe," but Bloomberg Businessweek is saying that, like many men, rumors of their huge growth potential may be exaggerated. They were supposed to be out-earning, out-thinking and out-performing everyone, but now it turns out they may only be out-earning everyone, whether or not they're performing as such. The entire model of the hedge fund is a belief in "alpha," a term for returns on investment above the market average that they believe can only be explained by their magnificent talent, which is why they gave most of that profit to themselves. Goldman Sachs, a well-known authority on people making too much money, estimated that hedge funds are lagging behind the S&P 500 by 10% this year, despite the fees charged by fund managers for the privilege of letting them play with your money. Maybe they're not doing well because they're depressed about their impotent penises. Of course, we're not really financial people, so maybe you should just read the goddamned article.

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