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In celebration of Movember, the month-long charity event during which men grow mustaches to help fight prostate cancer, this chart helps you determine whether your mustache could indict you for more than just a crime against your own face. Remember, if you wear a handlebar mustache any other month but November, you're more likely to be the victim of a crime (assault in response to jackassery). So grow that sucker out now while you have the excuse.