Oh come on. That guy was born to have a dick drawn on his face! 
(photo: Arlington County Police, via CBSLocal)

Around 5:30 AM on March 23rd, James Denham Watson woke up to discover his roommate had inducted him into the time-honored tradition of male-on-male genital-themed facial vandalism. Rather than feeling knighted into "Bro-hood," Watson lost his shit and beat his roommate so badly that the roommate went to the emergency room. The roommate pressed charges, resulting in this mug shot that, wow, is just magnificent, isn't it? Triumph over adversity, a man unbent by the winds of upheaval. "I may have a penis on my cheek that wouldn't come off no matter how many times I washed. But you know what else won't wash off? My pride, sir! So go ahead, snap your photo. It shall be a photo of a man with his head held high! What? The photo's already gone viral even before you put it on the internet? Ah crap. Do you have any non-environmentally friendly soaps on hand that I might use before I'm returned to the holding block?" 

Sources: CBS Local Washington