I'm embarrassed for the cows whose milk went into this.
Finally, a drinkable Easter treat. No more difficult chewing! (via Prairie Farms)
Before we really get into this, I would like to state that I like Peeps. I like them a lot. I know they have their haters, but I find them to be a delightful seasonal treat. A little crunchy on the outside! Marshmallowy on the inside! A nostalgic reminder of childhood!
So, it's with that background that I say this: Peeps milk is a terrifying abomination that should die in a milk fire.
No, I haven't tried it. Yes, I am speaking ill of something I haven't tried. I feel OK about this. For several reasons.
First of all, the press release from the milk's producer, Prairie Farms, has some amazing jargon. It makes the decision to create this Frankenmilk sound less like a something the company thought would taste good and more like two 38-year-old plutonic friends deciding to have a baby together before it's too late: "With Prairie Farms, a market leader in flavored milk sales, and PEEPS® , the number one non-chocolate candy brand at Easter (according to IRI), creating a line of flavors that joins the two strong brands was an obvious choice." Mmm, delicious brand-joining!
Now, you might be expecting me to complain here about how Peeps milk is nutritionally bad for you. And oh, it is. But what's the point of drawing attention to that? It's obvious. If you find a chocolate-marshmallow-flavored milk that isn't high-calorie, it was probably created through witchcraft.
So here's the thing that bothers me more than that about Peeps milk — it's the seasonality creep. Part of what makes things like Peeps (or Cadbury Cream Eggs) so special is that they are only available as one thing for a small part of the year. But Peeps have been trying to break that designation for awhile now; we have Christmas Peeps, Halloween Peeps, and Fourth of July Peeps. Peeps milk might just be available for Easter, but even so, it just makes the Peeps themselves seem less special to me.
If you still want to try it, Peeps milk will be available in grocery stores in the Midwest.