9 doctors and nurses share their most NSFW secrets

9 doctors and nurses share their most NSFW secrets
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One has to have a really strong stomach to be a doctor or nurse. Every day these heroes have to deal with gross smells, body fluids, and deranged members of the general public. While the day-to-day nastiness is far too much for the average person to handle, there are some situations when even seasoned healthcare professionals think about quitting their jobs.

So a Redditor asked the patients, doctors, and nurses of Reddit “What are your craziest/weirdest/most NSFW hospital stories?” and the answers are really shocking.

1. Cocker Spinal

"Another veterinary case … 18-month old intact male Dalmatian, living with an intact female. The dog was clinically normal until the female came into season, at which point he became suddenly paraplegic. As soon as the female was out of season, he was back to normal. … We decided to expose him to another female in heat, and lo and behold, he became paraplegic within a few minutes, with the neurological exam indicating a lesion in the lumbar chord. Took the female away, and he was back to normal within a couple hours.

We did a myelogram (dating the story here) and found a small mass at the right place, but nowhere near big enough to explain the symptoms. The owner insisted on surgery anyway, so the mass was removed, and the dog was cured after that. The mass was then sent in for pathology, and it came back as an ectopic piece of Corpus spongiosum (that is, a piece of penis where there shouldn't be any).

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Basically, the dog was getting erections inside his spinal canal, and the pressure on the spinal chord caused the symptoms, which were reversible when the stimulus went away. Truly one of the weirdest things I've ever seen." — Urgullibl

2. Colon Blow

"A female patient came into the ER with profuse rectal bleeding, her boyfriend in tow, covered in her blood and poop all up his front. Turns out that in a bid to get higher off of nitrous oxide than from its normal inhalation route, they decided to use a homemade whipped cream maker to blow N2O up her rear end. He overinflated her colon, and she had a blowout. Patient required a temporary colostomy, and fortunately this was later reversed. The worst part was having to break the news that there is no possible way to get high that way, should have just stuck to huffing it." — groundrush

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3. Can't Eat Just One

"Psych patient went off his meds, set himself on fire. The surgeon cleaned up his wounds, and stapled cadaver skin to him, harvested from organ donors. I walked in on the patient peeling off, and sucking down the cadaver grafts like slimy potato chips." — DeLaNope

4. Walking Dead

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"I had a homeless patient come into the dermatology clinic. He had a filthy bed sheet wrapped around his head, with only part of the left side of his face and left eye exposed. You could see the rancid stink coming off of his head. We got him in the exam room and unwrapped his noggin. Turns out he had a basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer) for which he had refused treatment, for like 15 years.
The cancer had eaten away all of the skin on most of his head. There were very large areas of muscle and bone exposed. You could see his parotid gland and blood vessels. The tumor had eaten into his skull and you could see into his skull and the dura (lining surrounding the brain) and could see into his right orbit from the side and see into his sinuses and mastoid air cells.

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His right ear was long gone. I could watch his muscles move and contract while he spoke. It was literally like watching something from the Walking Dead, except there was not sign of infection or maggots or anything else horrible. It has literally a living dissected skull talking to us like that was totally normal. It was horrifying and amazing to see simultaneously." — rotosound


5. Flash in the Pants

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"Another WTF moment was a young boy that decided to walk around with a flare gun shoved in the front waistband of his shorts. The gun went off, and the flare damn near burned his penis off. Took lots of skin grafts, and it still won't ever be right." — groundrush


6. Under Where?

"Not me but my friend's aunt is an ob/gyn. One day a lady came in complaining that she was having a lot of pain inside her vagina. So my friend's aunt went to check what the pain was and ended up pulling out underwear out of her vagina. Like how the fuck does someone get underwear stuck in their vagina and not know about it?" — ChaneI

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7. Thanksgiving

"Had a patient who was a very nasty lady. Near 300 lbs, 6'2", unkempt, and rude. She had a catheter in and called someone in to check it out. While the nurse was begrudgingly looking at it, it got moved a little. She said, "oh that felt good on my clit." The nurse then noticed something strange about her vagina. Turns out there was a turkey sandwich stuck in it. One of those shitty little ones the hospital serves overnight. She informed the patient who then responded, 'oh, did you want to eat it out of me.'" — RegasKogena

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8. Trucker Catches a Buzz

"My dad is an ER doctor. Early in his career, he had a big burley truck driver come into the emergency room and flat out say, 'Doc I've got a dildo in my ass you've gotta get it out.' Think you're classic first impression of a truck driver.

So my dad takes him into a room with a nurse accompanying him. Has the guy bend over and grab the exam table, my dad tells the nurse to duck when he says so. He grabs ahold of the end of the dildo with those gator clamp things, and straight yanks it out as hard as he can. The nurse behind him never ducked, and a splurge of blood and shit hits her full frontal. My dad said the nurse ran out screaming, leaving behind a perfect silhouette against the wall while the dildo flopped around the floor still vibrating." — krab_people

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9. Macro Man / Micro Penis

"My dad's an anesthesiologist. He told me the worst case he's experienced … happened when the surgery was delayed because the nurses were unable to put at catheter in because the patient was too fat. (The nurses couldn't find the patient's penis.)" — Gwisaacs2

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