15 people who didn't date in high school answer question: 'do you feel you missed out?'
Dating in high school is a rite of passage.
It can be an incredibly messy, hormone-fueled humiliating rite of passage, but it's still considered a coming-of-age experience.
While very few high school relationships last in a healthy manner, many cite those first 'teen loves' as a training ground for heartbreak, spotting red flags, and the simple practice of putting yourself out there - embarrassment be d*mned.
But not all people had this experience in high school, in fact, it's nearly as common to not date in your teens as it is to date. The upside of this, is you can avoid a lot of painful mistakes and rejection.
However, there can be downsides to not getting your feet wet early.
In a popular Ask Reddit thread, people who didn't date in high school answered the question: 'Is there something that you feel like you missed out on or lack now that you are older?'
It's an interesting mix of perspectives.
1. From Amiiboid:
Let’s say that there are certain social missteps that are more tolerated from a teenager than from someone significantly into adulthood.
2. From shaolin_tech:
I missed out on experiencing how to talk to women. I had nowhere to learn, so I know nothing of flirting or how to have a conversation that isn't me just treating them like 'one of the guys.'
Of course, girls asking me out as pranks when I was in school didn't help me learn anything positive either. Thus, forever alone.
3. From Independent_Tone8605:
People talk about their first loves, fun dates, and how bittersweet it all is, and I feel like I missed a lot of really great experiences that put me behind emotionally. I also feel like it allowed me to dodge a ton of heartache too though.
4. From DarthBoBo:
In my early forties and have absolutely zero idea of:
How to maintain a relationship, either short or long-term.
How to start a relationship or ask someone on a 'date.'
What to do on a 'date.'
What even counts as a 'date.'
How to put up with sleeping in the same bed as someone else.
Did not regret it at the time, certainly do now.
5. From ThrowRAAloneTime2:
I don't feel bad at all about missing out on years of bad sex and awful communication. I think being much older when I started dating set me up to have almost universally positive dating experiences.
I don't have the old heartbreak trauma that tends to come with young love.
6. From Breadstix01:
Yes, even in high school I feel that experiencing a real relationship that you are invested in can be a major catalyst for personal growth in general. A lot of people like myself don’t date in high school or even college and end up fine though.
I guess it’s also a thing where I wish I could have had those adolescent experiences/memories with someone I was really close to.
7. From teclado_sw:
No. I was able to focus on school and sports. High school was one of the best times of my life and I still look back on it fondly. Never went to a dance or prom. I wouldn’t change it.
8. From BoxFullOfSuggestions:
I missed ever feeling like someone wanted me. I’ve had to be the pursuer in every relationship, to the point that I’ve been the back burner girl more often than not. Nobody. Ever. Just. Wanted. To. Be. With. Me. And if you can’t tell I’m salty about it.
9. From yersinia-p:
I’d like to say no, but…I do feel like I missed out on a lot. If I had dated in high school, maybe I would have been better equipped to date in my 20s, and if I had actually dated in my 20s, well.
I’m in my early 30s now and feeling scared that I’ve missed some kind of window or experience threshold that is going to make it impossible from here on out.
10. From cone_snail:
To this day, whenever a stranger - especially someone attractive - strikes up a conversation with me, or is unusually nice, I assume I am about to be pranked or scammed.
11. From skirtskirtouttie:
No. I knew plenty of people who dated and even cheated a lot on other people in high school. It sounds like more trouble than it is worth.
12. From OneGoodRib:
Lmao I knew this thread would make me sad but not THIS sad. All these people who are like 'I don't regret it, I had great relationships in my 20s.'
Me who didn't date in middle school, high school, college, and have now been out of college for years and have not gone on one actual date.
The only two guys to ever express any interest in me were 4 (I was also 4) and a guy who invited me to eat with him at his dorm's dining hall, and he basically didn't talk to me the whole time and didn't talk to me after that.
It would've been nice to go to a dance with a date. Get flowers when the school did that 'buy a flower' fundraiser for Valentine's Day. Find out someone actually thought I wasn't ugly for the first time in my life.
Not feel like a f**king loser when everyone is like 'No I didn't miss out during high school I found the love of my life when I was 21 instead <3'
13. From risenphoenixkai:
No. Getting attached to someone during that time would have only made it more difficult to leave that sh*thole town in my rearview mirror forever.
14. From gnarcolepsy_:
Knowing what I know now? Absolutely not. At the time? Yes, I wished I had been in the dating pool more but I classified myself as awkward and unapproachable and that’s why people didn’t date me.
But yeah, no. If I had gotten into a relationship at that age I would have been doomed.
I became an alcoholic at 16 and if someone else was in the mix during my disease (which did still end up happening after high school considering I drank until 9 months ago) it would have been a disaster.
I can only imagine how my disease would have manifested itself in a relationship. That makes me have an almost visceral reaction, haha.
15. From SupportMoist:
I dated a guy who hadn’t started dating until his 30s and it didn’t bother me at all. Until he started behaving like a teenager.
He just had extremely immature views on dating and relationships (like that you’re not constantly going to feel butterflies and sparks once you’ve settled in a serious relationship) and we broke up over it.
I think by not dating he missed that period where you learn that there are more important things to look forward to in relationships and it’s your job to keep the spark alive, not just excitement/anxiety.