18 of the funniest tweets from parents who dared to be honest about raising kids.

Jul 15, 2022 | 4:47 PM

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Raising tiny humans is an extreme sport in wrangling temper tantrums, negotiating with someone who can't read yet, and not even earning yourself a plastic participation trophy after eighteen years...

So, if you could use a healthy dose of lighthearted trauma-bonding over the joys and challenges of raising children, here are the funniest tweets we could find from parents who are hilariously on the verge.

1.

I’m not sure where exactly I went wrong with my parenting but my kids all bite holes in their ice cream cones and eat them from the bottom.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 1, 2022

2.

60% of being a father is keeping the family updated on the weather.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 5, 2022

3.

My kids interrupted me to ask me what my catchphrase is and I said to my husband “shit what was I about to do” and they were like oh ya that’s totally your catchphrase
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 5, 2022

4.

I want my 13 year old to understand how important honesty is but also know that she is 12 when kids eat free.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 10, 2022

5.

My daughter just asked “why are there so many stupid people in the world?”. I’m not sure whether to be proud or sad 🥴
— Crystal 🐾 (@CrystalCusses) July 10, 2022

6.

my daughter just asked me “what are adults for?” and I have no good answer
— Michael Lucy (@MmichaelLlucy) July 14, 2022

7.

Friend: What's it like having 3 kids?

Me: You know when the Dementors attacked Harry? A lot like that.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) July 6, 2022

8.

I’d jump in front of a moving train to protect my kids but yeah they’re on their own if seagulls show up…it turns out.
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) July 12, 2022

9.

my kid: what was college like?

me: ummm… lots of studying pic.twitter.com/eyNsHI019a
— an english human 🦉🪱 (@English_Channel) July 11, 2022

10.

My son just randomly came up to me and asked “are you a villain mommy?” And I can’t lie for shiiiit ! So I said, “In some peoples stories,baby” lmao
— ♥ ꪑꪖꪑ꠸ρꪮꪮꪻꪗᛕꪖꪻ =^.^= (@michristine8) July 14, 2022

11.

If anyone is wondering what that horrible noise is, I just asked my son to unload the dishwasher.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 15, 2022

12.

My kid just asked me why grapes aren't called "green-berries", and I honestly don't have an answer.
— Austin Spomer (@AustinSpomer) July 11, 2022

13.

does knocking the chocolate smudges off of my 4yo with a water gun count as a bath?
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) July 12, 2022

14.

My kids are living their best life at the expense of my best life.
— Obviously Everyone... (@OMGSoOverIt) July 10, 2022

15.

Have kids so you can get asked questions like "How does Iron Man pee?" at 3 a.m.
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) July 12, 2022

16.

Me when my child is explaining the rules of the game she just made up for us to play pic.twitter.com/Hft5DYvqw6
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) July 14, 2022

17.

Laying on my bed and my 4yo asks to play in my hair. She starts combing it gently; it feels lovely.

8yo comes in the room after her bath and asks me why the 4yo has scissors in my hair?!

Dear reader: my 4yo was "combing" my hair w/scissors b/c she "couldn't find a comb" 🙃
— la negra tiene tumbao (@beequammie) July 11, 2022

18.

you think it’ll be different when you’re a parent but I just heard myself say “how many times do i have to tell you?!?” and had a full-on ego death
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 6, 2022

19.

The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 11, 2022

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