Ladies and gentlemen and gender-normative people to whom Sean Spicer wouldn't extend the courtesy of considering to be gender-normative, today our nation's greatest White House press secretary resigned from his position because he was no doubt forced to. As we lament his transition to his next "consulting" job, where he is likely to make 3x-4x what he made as press secretary for doing next to nothing, let us take a moment to truly reflect on the reasons we are going to miss him.