Almost everyone has covered for a 'sick' coworker who mysteriously heals in a day once their hangover is gone.
Calling out with a semi-BS excuse is a rite of passage in the workplace. But there are times when a work excuse is so strange and specific, it's either the absolute truth, or an elaborate work of fiction.
'I was having a dream where I'd just put a cake in the oven, so I had to go back to sleep to make sure I took it out before it burned.'
Had a guy call in because he watched ex machina the night before and was too disturbed to come in to work. I wish I could say I was making this up.
One time at 1 am I went to the bathroom to 'drop the kids at the pool' and somehow my door got jammed and locked. I lived alone but I was with my phone luckily.
The door was REALLY heavy and couldn't break it, so at some point I just took the toilettes, the dirty laundry, and slept on the floor. One of the worst nights I ever had.
The next day the locksmith I called told me he was late so I had to wait until 11 am for him to open both doors. I spent 40 minutes preparing the message for my boss saying that I was gonna go late because my dumb a*s got stuck in the bathroom.
Had a coworker come in an hour late because:
'There was a flood and this woman was stranded in her car in the road. No one else was helping her so I waded through waist-high water to help her get out of her car. I waited with her for the fire department to come, then came into the office.'
This coworker was about 5'2' and skinny. She also lived 20 minutes farther out than I did, but apart from that we took the same way to work every day. She was an hour late and her clothes were dry. I encountered no flood on my commute.
Seemed suspicious, but what do I know?
'I can't stop pooping,' I asked zero follow-ups.
I worked with a very mentally ill gentleman who didn't always take his medication. He actually DID come to work, and told me that he died over the weekend, and was resurrected into a parallel universe.
I told him that the next time he died, he should call in and ring his doctor. If there is any reason to call off work, 'I died' is a good one.
She couldn't come in because she just had a full Brazilian and it hurt to much to walk or put underwear on.
'I pooped too hard and got a migraine.'
I'm an opening shift at Starbucks. These are my favorite call-out reasons (all diff people).
Coworker called that she was gonna be late because there was a man sitting on her front step. I told her to be safe and not to worry about getting here until she felt safe. And if that meant calling out, so be it.
Called out because she was hungover. Not a lie or a made-up excuse. (I laughed and told her to make sure she drank water and to have a good day of rest).
She heard a kitten in a bush on her way in and didn't want it getting hit by a car, so she had to try to save it. (I left the store on my lunch to help her because she hadn't gotten it out by then. I am not afraid of getting INSIDE a bush to save a kitten.
That's how another employee at my store got her first cat. Lol I literally had to take a sink bath before coming back onto the floor because I was covered in dirt and leaves. I'm sure there's more, but those are my top three.
A server I worked with was extremely late because she said she peed herself on the train and had to go back home. No one even doubted her, she did s**t tons of drugs.
A friend got a doctor's not for 3 days off work because her and her bf went at it on the carpet and she got bad carpet burns on the top of her feet which meant she couldn't wear boots that were mandatory.
(Not mine) a person called out because “My bra is still wet.”
My co-worker called in because her neighbor's bull had escaped and she had to help him get it back in the yard.
I used to work with a guy who missed work at least once every other week, and he only had 3 excuses.
1) He got robbed and has to be at the police to make a report, 2) His car was stolen and has no way to get to work, 3) His car was recovered and has to go to police to get it back.
It was over and over, like he couldn't remember that he already used these same excuses several times previously.
He also worked an on-call schedule, and had his pager 'stolen' at least half a dozen times that I know of. They eventually told him he would have to pay for any further missing pagers.
Then one day he just didn't come to work, didn't show up for a week. Then he showed up and said 'I have to quit,' and they took him into an office and talked with him awhile, then sent him home.
We were all told 'Calvin is taking a 30-day leave of absence' and we all took bets on whether it was jail or rehab. He never came back so nobody won.
New hire sends email on the morning of his first day: Hi, I’m very sorry but I had to suddenly leave the country and will not be able to come to work.
'I can't come in, there is a mountain lion in my car.' That employee ended up breaking into some Hollywood celeb homes and had a movie made about her called the Bling Ring.
I once had to call out because someone stole my windshield wipers. Didn’t realize until it rained.
A coworker called out because there were wolves outside of her front door. She lives in the suburbs.