20 people who gave up on their dreams for a more stable life share if they regret their decision.

Most of us have grown up with the cultural pressure to follow our dreams. While that sounds rosy in theory, the reality of surviving under capitalism makes a lot of dreams untenable long-term. Also, the dreams that are attainable are often far less glamorous in practice, which is to say: work will ultimately always be work.Because of this, many people find the best course of action is to recalibrate their life plan, and it can be surprising how much contentment is to be found in plan B.In a popular Reddit thread, people who gave up pursuing their "dream" shared how it turned out and whether they regretted their decision.1. From SlightlyIncandescent: I wish I'd realised sooner that work is just work for me, there is no dream job. I just want something I'm good at with decent pay and no stress, think I've found it. 2. From Odango777: My dream was to become a translator for Nintendo, specifically the Zelda franchise. Studied Japanese and lived there for a year, then became a video game translator at a small studio. Afterwards a Localization Project Manager at a bigger Korean company. Worked my way up to maybe, maybe one day be hired by Nintendo. Lost more and more passion for games on the way, heard awful stories about working at Nintendo and slowly realized that this isnt the right job for me after all. Translators are - most of the time - underpaid and the whole thing isn't as romantic as it seems. Decided to do something entirely else, left the gaming and Localization industry and am now a really happy (and well paid) Product Manager for an e commerce company. I will never go back. Knowing Japanese (well, the bit that is left after not using it for years) is a good party trick still, so no regrets. Was a fun time but it had to end. 3. From Krynn71: I went to school for and worked as a video game developer. I saw the crunch times, the frequent layoffs, and general instability of the industry and decided it wasn't for me after all. Been doing work in various industries trying to find something I want to do for a living. Came to the conclusion that I will never like working. So I am settled in at an aerospace manufacturing plant that has been in operation since WWII and I can and probably will spend the rest of my working days here. I've decided that it's better for me to get my life's fulfillment from my hobbies and relationships instead of my work. 4. From goodie23: A little bit. I bounced around the lower levels of the film industry, earning nothing, earning $5 a day, earning $8.20 an hour. I really enjoyed most jobs, got some great stories. But after 10+ years of missed opportunities, missing out on jobs to those more connected, of not having enough to do (I could blame the early days of digital but I just didn't go hard enough), it was time. My 30's were approaching, I had less than 5 figures in the bank despite still living at home and having next to no expenses, my romantic life consisted of admiring the actresses from afar and being an a** to anyone who got close. I switched to teaching and I mostly enjoy the work. I still tap into my skills occasionally, I make movies with my classes, last year made a whole bunch during remote teaching. I actually had the self-esteem (and cash) to start dating and am now engaged to a girl I don't deserve and have been trying to marry for months. I don't regret it, but I do miss it. 5. From Wingnuttage: My dream is to have a comfortable and secure life. Still working on it. 6. From caffeinecunt: My dream is to not see suicide as the only way out of poverty. Threads like this make me a little envious of people who are at least average in terms of intelligence and real world skills. None of the things I'm good at are ever going to make me financially successful, and I am too stupid to ever hope to do anything that makes more than minimum wage. 7. From -PM_me_your_recipes-: Turned out great, just not right at the moment as I am still job hunting after having to quit my previous job. Still no regrets though. I went to college to become a 3D animator. Something I always dreamed about. I was top of the class, constantly won awards for my work. I honestly thought I was going to make it big. Then the final semester started and all the seniors were required to go to a special hiring event where tons of big names would be. I got my portfolio and resume copies ready to go, and spent hours researching the big names and their projects as well as rehearsing lots of practice questions. It was devastating. No one would look twice at my stuff. Introduced myself, made some awkward small talk as they were so disinterested, then as I walked away they would immediately put it in the stack with hundreds of other portfolios, and not in the special pile. I switched up my game. I started introducing myself with a quick mention that I had a background in programming (I did). Thinking that maybe that would give me an edge. Oh boy did it work. Suddenly I was getting personal business cards, phone numbers and emails, my resume was put on the special pile. It was at that moment I realized I went into the wrong field. I was just a tiny insignificant drop in a sea of artists, many of whom were much more talented than I could ever be. Finished up my degree and went back to college for a BS in Computer Science. Got my first job right out of college from an internship I did over the summer. The job itself was heaven, and I really enjoyed it. It also helped that I made bank when I was there. Paid off all my school loans within 3 years and had plenty to invest and put into savings. While it sucks not having anything right now, I'm hoping to find something soon. Side note: The 3D stuff I still do as a hobby. Not nearly as good as I once was, but it is still fun and relaxing. 8. From f**keryprogression: I feel like I made a temporary Covid decision. I started working in Landscaping and went back to college. It’s not exactly a dream, but I was able to pay for school and make money during the pandemic, so I just consider it a temporary lateral move. 9. From stonetime10: I made a solid run at becoming a writer. It was always my dream as I’ve been an avid reader my whole life and have always had an active imagination. I studied English in university, read everything I could and spent my 20s living and travelling overseas. I joined writers groups, did an apprenticeship with an established author and worked my ass off for years, both abroad and when I returned home. I even got a few short stories published. And I was miserable. Writing fiction has to be the worst paying job in the world when you factor in the time you put in (Stephen King references this at the start of On Writing). Writers like King are extreme outliers, and even he had to work a 9-5 while writing Carrie. It is extremely hard to grind out a job all day, then come home and try to write all evening. Or get up at 5am everyday and write before work. Not only is it difficult to conjure up the juice you need to write when you’re working around a “regular” life schedule, but everything else in your life slips. You don’t have time to workout. You miss out on spending time with friends and family. You’re sitting in you desk or chair every night while your partner is watching TV alone. And if you have kids... good luck. I became overweight, depressed, and miserable. I developed back issues from spending 12+ hours a day in a chair. I wasn’t getting anywhere in life, and while it was nice to get published the odd time, I didn’t find the joy in my own writing the way I do in others. So I let it go. Now, I have a great job, nice house, and lots of time to spend with my wife and pursue my hobbies. I fixed my back issues and got in great shape (until COVID) And I have grown so much as a person since then. So no regrets. I do think about it from time to time though. I still read a lot, and I’m sure that itch will come back sometime. It’s not like being an athlete... nothing to say I can’t pick it back up any other time. Mine started with soreness and the tingling down my leg. I had a couple bad episodes which I now know was the result of a compressed disc. This would eventually devolve into a full blown herniated discs of my L4/L5. Seriously it was awful. One of the worst times of my life. The pain was excruciating and debilitating. I couldn’t drive and I slept on my living room floor for months. Work was awful, even with a stand up desk and I had no quality of life. Whether you’re trying to heal a disc or prevent it before getting that bad, this is what I recommend: The key is in decompressing and strengthening. You have to focus everything on those two things. Take pressure off you back by: Losing weight (I used a ketogenic diet. This also helped mitigate inflammation). Get an inversion table. I got a cheap one off Amazon and with a prime membership, the shipping was free. I used mine every day. I did decompression therapy with a PT, though once we went too far on the machine and it actually made it far worse for a few weeks. Yoga and other stretching exercises. And work on strengthening: at my worst, I took a reduced schedule from work and went to the YMCA every day. I worked with a trainer to do very basic strengthening poses and worked my way up. I also got in the hot tub and sauna every day I progressed slowly to doing more body weight, yoga, pilates and low intensity strength training, focusing on the back, butt, glutea and hamstring chain. Seriously, i totally rebuilt this part of my body, going from mushy soft to hard muscle and buns of steel. I remember vividly my wife giving me a butt tap one day and going, “oh”. That’s when it sunk in how effective is been at this. Gave it time to heal: Use all the weapons you can. But go slow. Definitely use CBD and really watch your diet. This is huge to help reduce inflammation. It was a lot of hard work but I did it and avoided surgery. (By the time my turn can, I was healed. Thanks for the delay Canadian health care!) in all, this was an 8 month process. As for other medical - I was on painkillers at the beginning. I tried to avoid them but I was in an insane amount of daily pain and eventually gave in. I was very careful and controlled though and gave it up as soon as my pain started to subside. Obviously you have to be extremely careful with these or force yourself to avoid them all together if you can. I also never got the cordisal shot. Being in Canada, the wait times are ridiculous, so by the time it was offered, I didn’t need it. But the moral of this story is you can totally fix yourself, even something as severe as a herniated disc, with hard and meticulous work. You have to be motivated by the desire to not become a lifelong victim to your back pain, as I was. 10. From FakePlasticSN: When I was in college, I wasn't the most enthusiastic student. I barely hung onto my grades and spent most of my time partying. I mostly hung out with a buddy of mine who played drums for a thrash punk band that was on the cusp of being something. He taught me how to play and I was surprisingly good at the drums. One day, my buddy broke his arm and the band asked me to sub in for him. I played like five shows with them and had a hell of a time doing it. While he was recovering, my buddy wound up moving out of state and the band asked if I wanted to replace him permanently. I think about that moment a lot, but wound up changing my major and getting through college. I now work in IT for a large company and think it worked out for the best. In hindsight, the music was pretty much unlistenable and the band went no-where, but there are definitely days when I'm overwhelmed at work and I wonder what could have been. Maybe it's just age at this point, but I don't think I could have kept up with it for long. 11. From loreandsuch: No. I was on the path to becoming a professor, and I don't regret leaving academia AT ALL. The pay is terrible, the requirements to achieve your dream can crush the soul out of you if you're not careful, and the chances of achieving actual job security grow dimmer by the day. There are some things I miss about it, but I really can't regret choosing a good paying, if somewhat more boring, office job that gives me security and disposable income to pursue my own hobbies and travel (before the pandemic, of course). 12. From InlandMurmur: I left after half a PhD in English. I think the moment I checked out was watching my tiny, 76YO professor totter home from the office at 10pm. She had probably taken a 16-hour work day. "You mean I have to work this hard, only to earn the privilege of working that hard?" I thought to myself. That, and the fact that the work was colonizing every waking hour, and that I was not coping in healthy ways. I still miss lots of things about it. I made some of my very best friends in graduate school, and I felt like I was part of a community. Now, I often feel like I'm wasting my life making someone else money. On the other hand, I've been able to travel all over the world, thanks to the income I get. I'm married, own my own home, and I just had my first child. So things are very, very good. Maybe one day I'll find work that is fulfilling. EDIT: I did not expect this to blow up like it did. I'm trying to reply to people, and I appreciate the support a lot of you all have offered. I'm going to quickly address the common questions: I work as a technical writer, which is a career path I can definitely recommend for those who went down the same path I did. Many are asking for friends and relatives studying English, and regardless of whether they pursue the career, studying technical writing will improve concision, audience analysis, and clarity. I cannot recommend it enough. Many ask if a PhD in the humanities is "worth it." No one can tell you that, of course. But I'll lay out my thinking, on case it's helpful. I work with some 23 year olds, and sometimes think "gosh, wouldn't it be great if I had started such a good job so early in life!" (at that time, I was 27 or so). Upon reflection, I feel just the opposite. I got to study something I really, truly loved for a time. I developed knowledge that is critical to my personality and political perspective. I am immensely grateful for that. On the other hand, there was a tremendous amount of suffering packed into those years, and I will bear the scars of some of that pain until I die. I am now something of a hybrid--obviously not quite just a regular guy, on account of my annoying etymological musings and distracted air. These are not traits I am proud of, to be honest. My wife would say that I have gotten much better over the years, though. None of that is helpful for whether you should study for a PhD, but that's sort of what I'm going for. Maybe some of that will help some poor academic aspirant think through their decision. There are lots of people asking what my prof was doing/why was she working like that if she has tenure? While she certainly could rest on her laurels, the fact is that earning and maintaining a TT job at a top-20 program requires publication of a book every couple years, as well as an article once or twice a year. Worse, it's a total time sink - when you're doing this kind of work, every moment is an "I could be working" moment. 13. From TheAce0: As someone who quit academia shortly after my PhD and gave up all my research hopes and dreams, I couldn't be happier with my decision. I work a relatively "boring" job in marketing now (I worked with wolves during my PhD so pretty much everything is going to be "boring" in comparison). I have no emotional attachment to my job or colleagues which is a refreshing change and affords me a lot of mental space and freedom. I can finally tune out and stop working, something I could never do during my PhD. The pay is mediocre, but when you're used to being in academia, the job security itself is a huge boon. Besides, as an international PhD student who had spent almost all his life savings to move and set up abroad, I learned to maintain a 50%+ savings rate very quickly. If you learn how to have a good savings rate (even if it isn't that high) and can maintain it after quitting academia, that shit adds up fast. I desperately miss working with those fluffy, lovable, morons, but I can now daydream about buying a car and building a house without mentally kicking myself for it. 14. From Jynxiii: Part of me regretted it, part of me knew I had to. I always wanted to be a doctor. No pushy parents or anything like that. I just wanted to fix problems and medical things seemed like the most interesting problems, things change, get worse/better, add new problems.. My little brother was born and developed seizures and development issues. I decided Pediatrics was for me! The same problems/puzzles but with the added intrigue of the patient being unable to tell me what was wrong.. Sounds a bit sick, but that's what my brain wanted. I didn't get the grades at school, unfortunately my step dad died and it messed me up a bit being needed at home with my siblings and I shifted my focus. I did go to university, did an access course and a biology degree with the aim of then going on to medicine afterwards. Sadly, I got two rejections for med school (on my birthday no less) and I pissed away the rest of my final year, because...what was the point anymore? I then met a boy (now husband), and needed to get a job. Any job. Please just give me a job. Countless applications were ignored or rejected. I felt worse than useless. I finally landed a job at a call centre. Hated every minute of it. But bills got paid, a wedding and honeymoon have been paid for, and we bought our house. But. In 2019 I knew I was turning thirty soon and knew this wasn't what I wanted, even if it was what I needed. I enrolled at a local college on an access course and last year I passed with distinction. I applied to a few university courses, and I had two successful interviews. I quit my sucky job on new year's after nearly 6 years of hating it. And in two weeks I start my course to become a nurse. Plans change, needs must. But I'm hoping its worked out... 15. From RPBN: It was fine, but no one gives a sh*t if you're a professional bassoonist and there really isn't enough paying work. I did it professionally for eight years before quitting to raise kids. Now I work in IT. If I had to do it over again I'd have just gotten a real job and not put so much time into an instrument that I don't like playing. 16. From jprimus: Honestly turned out great. I realised my band wasn’t going to get a record deal after a few years and then after playing for other peoples bands for a while it started to become less fun. I got a ‘proper’ job, started working on my career and used my new spare time to start playing rugby again. Now I’ve got a really good job in a sector I enjoy working in, married, kids, nice house all that stuff and I still play rugby on Saturdays (pre pandemic) to keep things a little different as well as keeping in shape. I don’t really see it as giving up on my dream. It was just recognising that it wasn’t going to happen. I’m very fond of that period of my life and having spent quite a few years chasing that particular dream I don’t have any regrets or what-if’s about being in a band. 17. From xenchik: I was a child actor. I was relatively successful - I was on a popular soap and even had my fifteen minutes of fame - I had TV shows and films and commercials on the go. Of course this meant I was bullied at school - if I answered their incessant questions about what it was like on set, they said I was stuck up for talking about myself. If I didn't answer their questions, they said I was stuck up for not engaging with them. I was talked down to, ignored, laughed at - the usual high school stuff. But for most people, that stuff ends in high school. For famous people, it never ends (as we see on the internet daily). Then I met someone on set who told me what it was really like - that if you're not made for it, the fame part can completely destroy you as a person - if you are private or shy or anxious, as I am, it can tear you apart inside, and it's constant, and for the really famous people, it never, ever goes away. She helped me recognise that what I loved was the process, the on-set family, the job itself. The recognition, the total lack of privacy, and the inevitable bullying just wasn't what I wanted my life to be. She showed me that at this early stage of my career, I could make my choice, I didn't have to just stumble into a lifestyle I wouldn't easily be able to get out of. She showed me the truth - that for most people, by the time they know they hate the lifestyle, it's already too late. When I was 18, I quit my agency, and never looked back. Now, 19 years later, in my office job in finance, I make a fraction of what I could have made, and I don't enjoy my work nearly as much as I enjoyed tv and film sets. But I'm anonymous, and I am happy. The girl I met, these days she can't even go to a grocery store or a petrol station without being mobbed (we're not still in touch, but I follow her career). Me, I can go anywhere and do anything without anyone giving me a second glance. That makes me happy. I hope she is happy too. 18. From minion531: At age 15 I started playing guitar in a band. The dream was to become a Rock Star. At age 22, I was playing Gazzari's on the Sunset Strip. A set of original tunes in club where so many famous people started. It was the heyday of the metal scene and that was happening in Los Angeles. By 1984 I realized that it was not just a question of being a great band. Or writing great songs. I had seen a lot of great bands in Los Angeles that had great songs, go absolutely nowhere. Then really crappy bands, I won't mention names to avoid hurting anyone, that did have commercial success. So why was this? It turns out being a great band that writes great songs, is just not enough. You also have to be incredibly lucky. More people win the lottery than become famous rock stars. It was time to get real. I was 22 and I wanted things. So I gave up my dreams and became an electrical apprentice. By the time I was 24, I was running jobs. At 27 I was accepted in the IBEW as a journeyman electrician, after passing the Journeyman Block Test, accepted in a lot of states. At age 31 I became a Master Electrician and General Foreman in the IBEW. I then became the Superintendent of a large Union shop . And finally at age 33 I started my own Electrical Contracting business. At age 41 I became 100% disabled and was forced to retire. That was almost 20 years ago. I still have my Bray Amp and my Les Paul in my bedroom, always plugged in, so I can pick it up anytime I want. So, I'd say everything turned out ok for me. EDIT: I want to thank everyone that replied. I can't possibly answer everyone, but I will answer a few of the most common questions. First, I was not hurt on the job. I have fibromyalgia. It started in 1986 and slowly took over, until 2002 when my doctor tole me I was not returning to work. The major symptoms of Fibromyalgia are chronic pain and chronic fatigue. I thought I was just over worked and needed a break, but it was not to be. Forced retirement was a very difficult thing because I got a lot of my self esteem from my job. I also made a lot of money. Playing guitar definitely was an important part of adjusting to not working. I don't have any recordings left. Most of them were stolen in a box that contained guitar pedals that was stolen out of my garage in the mid 80's. My brother still has some reel to reel to real 4 track recordings, but doesn't have a 4 track player to play them or mix them down. And also, it was so nice to see how many of you had similar experiences to me. Very uplifting to hear from you all. 19. From the_petman: It went extremely well. Initially trained wanting to be an actor. Got accepted into a company touring around Europe, but then decided it would set me down a path that would most likely not work out. Chose instead to take the more secure route to study physics which I also enjoyed. I had great ambitions to become a professor, but that dream quickly died part way through my PhD. Worst years of my life of workplace bullying, stress, and eventual depression. I have no regrets about leaving after I passed the defence. Went on to leave academia to get a job in data science within the financial/insurance sector. It is far from a fulfilling career, but is secure and pays well. It gives me the freedom to live my life comfortably and have recently been able to afford a house as a direct result of my career choice. I am happy now. I sometimes wonder how my life would have turned out had I chosen a different path, but realistically I don’t think things could have turned out much better than they have now. Maybe I’ll try a new passion once I’m more financially secure, we will see. 20. From gtfohbitchass: It's not a fancy dream like most here. But I dreamed of opening a childcare center (daycare) for low income families back where I grew up. Went to school for early childhood education, took specialized courses in childcare administration, worked as a teacher for a while in daycare and private kindergarten. In that time, got pregnant with my daughter and was making so little money due to childcare costs (even with the employee discount) that I left for an office job. Never completed my bachelor's let alone the master's degree that is usually needed to be a daycare director in my state. Slowly climbed the ladder in office roles, making 1% more than my teacher wages, then 2, then 5, then 100, then 250, then 350, then 400, then more and climbing. As a friggin recruiter. A boring, non creative, emotionally unfulfilling role that helps candidates but exists to serve the company. I do some training on the corporate level and I get to train in other areas such as my improv comedy team that I'm a part of, so I do have creative outlets. But a part of my heart will always want to be a daycare director. I still doodle my dream center layout. I browse inventory catalogs and look at current staffing costs. I check out every center that I drive by. But knowing that I'd be doing a difficult job for less than 1/3 of what I make now, as a center director? Nope. Can't do it. Can't kill myself to help someone else. Did that my entire life. Gotta worry about me now. I absolutely love the company that I work for and I think it would take a miracle (or firing me) to get me to leave that company. It's the first place I've ever worked where they truly entirely love their employees and treat them very very well. While I do miss the optimism of working in the childcare industry, I don't miss the living hand to mouth. Currently the highest paying daycare director job within 50 miles of my home pays $25,000 less than I make now. That's a massive pay cut. I would need at least four, probably six years of college at a minimum in order to move forward, not to mention capital. I can't imagine going back to school and spending what would be more than 3 years of my salary as a daycare director to get a degree in a field that pays significantly less than I'm currently making without a degree. I can't put my family's financial stability at risk like that. That would set us back literally a decade at a minimum. So while it sucks to let go of this dream, doing a job that heartily pays my bills allows me to invest in my hobbies. I'm part of an improv comedy team that has been wildly successful in our area, I'm on two awesome podcasts, and outside of a pandemic I get to teach improv to adults and children. I'm still a teacher. I'm still a facilitator and a director. I'm very happy. And unlike when I worked in childcare, I can actually afford to go on vacations and take days off of work. So I say, if you need to, ditch one dream to find a job that funds your other dreams. That's where I'm at and I'm happy.