Normal people go to Disneyworld's spinning teacup ride when they need a reminder that it's a small world, but billionaires can apparently fully fund little space missions for themselves that launch them off the planet Earth and back.
In an objectively phallic spacecraft that has sent Twitter into a frenzy of dildo jokes, Bezos, his brother Mark, 82-year-old aviation pilot Mary 'Wally' Funk, and teen physics student, Oliver Daeman, embarked on their trip to view Earth as a tiny blue marble at 9:12 AM on July 20th. We can only assume Bezos provided his guests with an in-flight snack spread of freshly printed hundred dollar bills and diamond-encrusted golden nuggets of caviar-infused champagne to chomp on while cackling into the stars.
The Billionaire Bezos space jaunt is remarkable as Mary Funk (now the oldest person to go to space) endured rigorous astronaut training in the sixties only to be denied along with her fellow female peers. At 18-years-old, Daeman is now the youngest person to enter space after he won the 28 million dollar seat by bidding for it at an auction. Say what you will about Gen Z, but they're not just dancing on TikTok and complaining about Millennials being "Cheugy," some of them are hitching a first class ride out of Earth.