At one point or another, we’ve all fantasized about going off on a boss or a coworker and crashing out work in a spectacular fashion, flipping everyone the double-bird as the door hits us on the ass on the way out.

Well…not everyone is given that glorious opportunity. And these 22 people did some pretty ridiculous crap and got themselves canned long before they ever got the chance to ride off into the sunset. These stories are an EPIC collection of the best (and worst) reasons people got fired from their jobs.

1. Gave Lohan a run for her money

“My favorite event happened right after Christmas in 2012. The grooming salon needed some extra help washing dogs, so I hired a sweet, young red-headed girl we will call Lizzy. Now, the head groomer and her assistant were a pair of mean girls and decided they didn’t like Lizzy, so they came up with a plan to make Lizzy leave. Lizzy had just gotten a nice new purse for Christmas, so the head groomer and her assistant decided, ‘Hey, let’s ruin Lizzy’s purse!’ When Lizzy found what they did, she came running to me crying with the most awful smelling purse in the world. Thankfully, the groomer mean girls weren’t too smart and did it right in front of a camera. Lizzy and I both sat horrified as we watched it. When I was firing the two girls, they told me the whole process: They decided to collect dog feces, anal gland secretions, and old rotten Chinese food, mix it all in a baggie and let it ferment for a week. Then they poured it in the poor girl’s new bag. Both of these women were in their early 30s with children – Sigh.”