The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) tested a new alert system today to scare dogs, babies, and hungover party girls everywhere.
"The test will assess the operational readiness of the infrastructure for distribution of a national message and determine whether improvements are needed," explained FEMA in a statement before the alert test. In other words, if something crazy ever happens and we're all living under rocks, Trump is going to blow up our phones. If it's not aliens, I'm not answering.
Of course, Twitter is already buzzing with reactions to this alarming disruption to the entire country's afternoon. The scariest thought of all is not that maybe one day there will be a disaster that requires a mass text to everyone in America, but rather, "how did Trump get all of our numbers?" I do not consent.