Here's the thing, even filthy rich celebrity parents still have to deal with the tyranny of growing children. No amount of couture toys, Ivy league educated nannies, or professional family photo shoots can change the fact that children are out for their parent's blood.
Even when kids are loving and well-behaved and don't secretly desire to make their parent's bones into a couch frame, they still demand a boatload of patience. Patience, like all virtues, cannot be paid for or padded down by money. So, when it comes to the struggle of parenting, celebrities are in a similar emotional boat to everyone else.
Obviously, once more, money and privilege are HUGE factors in the parenting process. Still, these 40 tweets from celebrity parents are relatable to pretty much anyone who has raised a small human.
My three year old decided to start "our" day at 530AM, and if a child-friendly version existed, I would have definitely tranq-darted her.— dax shepard (@daxshepard) September 27, 2018
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. #awesome— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) April 24, 2014
I made a restaurant for my 2 and a half year old pic.twitter.com/bqQ40bFQ4F— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 18, 2018
Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 26, 2015
So my baby is now making phone calls. She picks up the phone somehow gets to dialing and puts the phone to her ear. She than says “oh”. I’m like she’s only 17 months!!!!— Serena Williams (@serenawilliams) February 2, 2019
It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish...— Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) April 30, 2016
My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 16, 2016
Ooooomgggg my daughter is soooo hyper# and turnt right now 😂I don’t understand baby language but I’m pretty sure she saying PARTY PARTY PARTY 🎉— iamcardib (@iamcardib) January 26, 2019
My daughter giving the lone 🤟sing at her school assembly today just confirmed what i already knew. She cool AF! I’ll never come close to how cool she is. Proud & feeling pangs of dad dork growing. Just look at this pic if you ever need help. It’s done a lot for me. Ok good night pic.twitter.com/MgMPvYCHti— Channing Tatum (@channingtatum) September 22, 2018
"No matter what I'm eating my heart always says dessert" - my 4 year old daughter— max greenfield (@iamgreenfield) September 3, 2014
Joke by my 4 year old. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" "Why sweetie?" "Because his butthole itched". She laughs hysterically.— christina applegate (@1capplegate) December 17, 2015
I would like it to be on record that Jameson’s first curse word was BOMB ASS CHICKEN— P!nk (@Pink) September 21, 2018
7yr old daughter walked in the room, casually confirmed, "You have to have a backstory to why you're evil, right?" And walked out.— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) January 24, 2016
My daughter & I accidentally busted in on my husband in the bathroom & he got mad which is funny since I HAVEN'T PEED ALONE IN 7 YEARS.— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) December 8, 2015
My kid changed the Lego Movie song from "Everything is awesome when you're part of a team" to "Everything is awesome when you're not dying"— Joel McHale (@joelmchale) March 14, 2014
My son just invented a new phrase for when he doesn’t want to do something and it’s so damn good...— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) August 8, 2018
Me: Hey, do you want some breakfast?
Sebastian (shaking his head): I’m sweaty about that.
I’M SWEATY ABOUT THAT.
Dear pregnancy insomnia,— Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) December 21, 2018
Please go bother someone else...like dads. Go bother dads. My husband sleeps so soundly and peacefully and I’ve been awake for 2 hours (so far). How is this fair? Imma lose my mind! 😩🤪🤯💩
"I don't think so mommy!" Is what my child said after "Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?" pic.twitter.com/00rXSZ3CxW— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris) August 1, 2015
Me: How about some milk?— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) August 8, 2018
Sebastian: I’m sleepy about that.
*i just start writing everything down*
I asked Remy to take a picture next to our Christmas tree. He knows he isn’t supposed to touch the train that goes around it, but the smile along w/the mischievous look in his eye because he knows he’s not supposed to be touching the train is hilarious and I couldn’t get mad 🤣 pic.twitter.com/vvSOqDEUYE— Kelly Clarkson (@kelly_clarkson) December 6, 2018
My daughter says every boy in the world has a penis, even Santa. So sad that one day she'll learn there's no such thing as Santa's penis.— Adam Scott (@mradamscott) May 31, 2013
wonder if the teacher at the kid's school knew I hadn't showered for a couple days at pick up. Sure the car smelled lovely #dontcareimgross— christina applegate (@1capplegate) February 9, 2016
Love writing nursery rhymes for my daughter. Her favorites are, "Sunshine-Cuddle-Time!" and "Everyone You Know Will Eventually Die."— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 11, 2015
I may have terrified all the children at our daughter's Halloween carnival. Btw- I'm pooh bear in case u can't tell. pic.twitter.com/wQGCoxWEg1— Channing Tatum (@channingtatum) October 18, 2015
THE LITTLE MERMAID HAS BEEN UNLOCKED FROM THE DISNEY VAULT. We’ve never seen it! (I know) pic.twitter.com/MYVOeLv72J— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 13, 2019
My infant daughter is going to run for president. She remains silent all of the key issues but she’s much cuter than Donald Trump.— zooey deschanel (@ZooeyDeschanel) September 4, 2015
"Do it or no root beer!" - My 3 yr old today when I said he couldn't play on my phone. I have no idea what the root beer was about.— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 26, 2016
there is absolutely no way that labor is harder than installing a car seat, i just refuse to believe it. if it is, i give up— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 28, 2016
Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 7, 2016
My son asked if I’d take him to see Sherlock Gnomes and I told him, “Gnome thanks.” I’ve been waiting for a high-five for three days now.— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 2, 2018
ADVICE FOR NEW FATHERS: Nobody likes raising kids, so just shut up and pitch in.— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 1, 2014
Side effect of Go, Dog, Go, the best book ever: Your son WILL tell total strangers on the bus that he does not like their hat.— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) January 8, 2017