5. Rudy Giuliani, because he implied that the president committed crimes but committing a crime is not a crime. If you can't handle me at my Rudy Giuliani's Bottom Teeth, you don't deserve me at my Rudy Giuliani's Top Teeth. GettyCongratulations, everyone! It has only taken two years for President Trump to go from tweeting "WITCH HUNT!" and "NO COLLUSION!" to his lawyer going on TV and declaring "collusion is not a crime."Once known for being the mayor of New York City on 9/11, Giuliani is now leading the response team to 11/9, and he's not denying that Trump has committed crimes. He's just arguing that Trump's crimes are not crimes.Yesterday on ABC This Morning, Giuliani told George Stephanopoulos (not to be confused with felon George Papadopoulos, who plead guilty to lying to the FBI in the Mueller investigation and just got out of jail) that yeah, Trump may have told Michael Cohen to pay hush money to women who allege extramarital affairs, but even though the deed is sending Cohen to prison, it doesn't mean that it's a crime. STEPHANOPOULOS: So Cohen, prosecutors, a judge, & AMI all say hush payments were intended to help Trump's campaign GIULIANI: Cohen is a serial liar & AMI just said that so they could get immunity. Anyway, hush payments aren't crimes. [NARRATOR: In this case, they were crimes.] pic.twitter.com/wl0buFIFSE — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) December 16, 2018 Giuliani also may have implied that Trump associate (and Mayor of Whoville) Roger Stone may have given Trump a heads up about the Democrats' emails the Russians stole being released through WikiLeaks, but even so, utilizing materials illegally acquired through foreign intelligence is "not a crime." 🚨 ABC: "Did Roger Stone give the president a heads up on WikiLeaks' leaks concerning Clinton & the DNC?" GIULIANI: "No he didn't... uh, *I don't believe so*. But again, if he did, it's not a crime." 🚨 pic.twitter.com/nHd1uTtNCL — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) December 16, 2018 The One Man Before-and-After Toothpaste Commercial Rudy Giuliani also touched on the issue of Trump discussing building a Trump Tower Moscow with the Russian government during the campaign, all the way up to Election Day, but hey—currying favor with a hostile foreign government that had just attacked America is not a crime.The moment when Giuliani conceded negotiations to build a Trump Tower in Moscow could have gone as late as election day 2016. pic.twitter.com/xgIQorXmzg— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) December 17, 2018 This is a lot of words. CNN aired a TL;DR version highlighting just how drastically Giuliani moved his goalposts of criminality instead of arguing the president's innocence.CNNDid Rudy Giuliani instill the American people with confidence that their leader is not a criminal? No.Did he look powerful and suave while defending Trump? Also no.4. Cardi B, because her sh*tty ex crashed her set and harassed her on stage. Upset by Offset. ShutterstockSo apparently there's a guy named Offset, who is a third of the group Migos. Offset is/was(?) married to the way more famous, way more interesting Cardi B, and together they have a baby named Kulture.The real baby, however, is Offset. Earlier this month, Cardi announced that the marriage was over, and insisted that the divorce was "nobody's fault." This weekend, Cardi B was celebrating the massive achievement of being the first woman to ever headline the Rolling Loud festival, but during her set, she also became the first woman to have her show crashed and hijacked by her ex..@OffsetYRN offers @iamcardib an apology. [via @rapradar] pic.twitter.com/fOenMgaGdo— Complex (@Complex) December 16, 2018 Offset had the chutzpah to interrupt Cardi's concert with a big-ass "Take Me Back Cardi" cake, stealing her moment and catching her off-guard. View this post on Instagram F O R G I V E M E @iamcardib A L L I W A N T F O R M Y B D A Y A post shared by OFFSET (@offsetyrn) on Dec 14, 2018 at 7:05pm PSTCardi's fans were pissed at Offset and the festival, calling the stunt manipulative.Offset is displaying manipulative and abusive behavior towards Cardi B. He’s doing this in front of a crowd and gaslighting the reasons she made her decision to leave bc of HIS behavior. My goodness. https://t.co/CdrL0pR9Uj— Crystals in the Coochie Tweeter✨🔮🐈💦 (@BasicBlaecGirl) December 16, 2018 Tonight should have been about Cardi *headlining* the Rolling Loud festival. Instead it’s all about what this dude did & how she reacted. No convos about her performance. In fact, it’s stealing thunder even from other performers tonight.That’s selfish AF. That’s manipulation.— Naima Cochrane (@naima) December 16, 2018 What offset did was manipulative and borderline abusive and y’all who are mad at Cardi for not taking him back are simply exposing how much work we need to do to educate folks on mature and healthy partnership.— Zerlina Maxwell (@ZerlinaMaxwell) December 16, 2018 Now Cardi, instead of reveling in her achievement, is in the awkward position of having to defend Offset on Instagram."Violating my baby-father is not going to make me feel better because at the end of the day, we're still family," she said.https://www.instagram.com/p/BrcLFy0l1Y0/There's more!Cardi also had to defend herself for defending Offset.She cited Pete Davidson as a reason why she does not want her estranged husband to be harassed online.https://www.instagram.com/p/BrcUrfkF1wB/Offset and fans: leave. Cardi. Alone.Giphy3. The guy who voted for Trump and therefore voted to ruin his "butterfly paradise." Who would have thunk that Donald "Build the Wall" Trump would try to build a wall? Shutterstock (more like Flutterstock)The media loves profiling Trump supporters, with articles like, "Tommy used to work on the docks, union's been on strike he's down on his luck, it's tough, so tough. Gina works the diner all day working for her man she brings home her pay, for love, for love." We gotta hold on to what we got. GiphyFinally, we have an op-ed by a Trump voter with a real twist: butterflies.A man named Luciano Guerra wrote about his plight in The Washington Post, giving us what might be the most bonkers headline of 2018.The Washington Post"Right now, in Mission, Tex., we don’t worry about immigrants who crossed the border illegally or drug smugglers. We worry about having to defend our private property from seizure by the federal government," Guerra wrote.Nobody who lived through 2016 can say that they weren't warned about Trump's plan to build a wall. Guerra insists that he didn't think Trump was for real: People have asked me, “Didn’t you listen to Trump when he said that he would build a wall?” I didn’t take the idea seriously during the campaign. I knew he couldn’t get Mexico to pay it — that’d be like asking Hurricane Harvey to foot the bill for rebuilding Houston — and thought it was just talk: another candidate making big promises he couldn’t keep. I never thought it would actually happen. The Butterfly Guy also recently suffered the humiliation of agreeing with Speaker of the House-to-Be, Nancy Pelosi. By backing the wall, my party has abandoned the conservative principles I treasure: less government, less spending, and respect for the law and private property. The wall is expected to cost between $8 billion and $67 billion to build, and its rushed construction requires the waiver of 28 federal laws meant to protect clean air and water, wildlife habitat and historical artifacts. As I followed the news [last week], I was amazed to find myself agreeing with Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), who called the project “immoral, ineffective and expensive.” Here was a Democrat telling a Republican that a policy would cost too much. The guy's getting roasted on Twitter.“I voted for Trump because I love racism but I never knew he might harm my precious butterflies who I love just as much as I love racism.”— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) December 17, 2018 if you voted for trump you don't deserve a butterfly paradise sorry— marisa kabas (@MarisaKabas) December 17, 2018 https://twitter.com/arb/status/1074721028226482176https://twitter.com/AltUSPressSec/status/1074690057074806785Elections have consequences, and the consequences kill butterflies. RIP. GiphyEven if it were safe from Trump, a "butterfly paradise" would never be safe from Mike Pence.Pence puts butterflies in therapy to try and convert them into moths.2. Stephen Miller, because his spray-on hair is as bad as his policies. Farewell mein leiber hair. GettyTo be the most racist schmuck in an administration of racist schmucks is no small feat, and now architect of the Muslim Ban and child concentration camps Stephen Miller has another superlative to add to his resume: worst hair.That's right: someone in the Trump White House has even worse hair than Donald Trump.While telling CBS that the White House is willing to shut down the government if the Republican Congress won't give them billions of dollars for their butterfly-killing "boarder" wall, Miller sported a head full of spray-painted pubes.For many, making fun of Miller's dumb head was cathartic.Stephen Miller proves the cover-up is worse than the crime. pic.twitter.com/Y2emWtpXUN— ElElegante101 (@skolanach) December 16, 2018 It really does look like a merkin. Stephen miller uses Just For Men-Gel-e pic.twitter.com/Q9lqthX0pS— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 16, 2018 The border Stephen Miller should actually focus on pic.twitter.com/cp7QGdPli6— Padma Lakshmi (@PadmaLakshmi) December 17, 2018 be careful Stephen Miller pic.twitter.com/jdDiDLFXQV— Sean Gentille (@seangentille) December 16, 2018 Stephen Miller: Give me the trickle down effectBarber: Say no more fam pic.twitter.com/s6R1CzDz0H— Langston Thee Show Pony (@LangstonKerman) December 16, 2018 Is it too late to nominate the person who did this to Stephen Miller & told him it looked good for Time’s person of the year? pic.twitter.com/b4WnbTBf4z— joel tyler (@joeltyler_) December 16, 2018 That Miller felt the need to rectify his racism-induced baldness implies that he is, in fact, capable of shame.Stephen Miller's make up artist..............welcome to the resistance.1. The Oklahoma middle schooler who was arrested for missing too much class. Prison: the original detention. ShutterstockA 14-year-old boy in Tulsa, Oklahoma missed so many classes that he was put in handcuffs and handed off to an intervention center.The kid's mom, Stephanie, is pissed, and pointed out that she's the one to blame for the hooky here."It’s my fault! Exactly! It’s not my 14 year old sons fault. He doesn't have a car to get himself there."Stephanie said that the humiliation and physical restriction suffered from the handcuffs was harsh, and she "could visibly see marks on his wrists." She said that most of the absences were due to sickness, but that means nothing to Muskogee Public Schools.The public school systems is asserting the legality of treating the kid like a criminal."Four absences in a four week period can lead to a possible citation. That's Oklahoma state statute. It’s been on the books for decades now,” said Steve Braun, Director of Communications.Stephanie told WNDU that she understands the state statue, but it didn't have to be this way."Them arresting him, putting handcuffs on him, and leaving marks on him... and traumatizing him, in my perspective, is unacceptable."