5. Bradley Cooper, because a star was snubbed. We're far from the shallow now. ShutterstockThe Golden Globes are notoriously known as Hollywood's most unpredictable award show, but not even the most seasoned Globes watchers could have predicted just how unpredictable the unpredictable award show would be.Last night's ceremony was over three hours long, and demonstrated that the Golden Globes voters are nowhere near as woke as the Golden Globes monologue writers. The Kominsky Method (what?) beat Atlanta (why???) for Best Comedy Series, white savior hour Green Book (hmm?) won Best Picture, Musical or Comedy, and most startlingly, Bohemian Rhapsody beat If Beale Street Could Talk, Black Panther, BlacKkKlansman, and A Star Is Born for Best Drama, which gave Film Twitter a collective aneurysm.Good morning to Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody, two movies that let Hollywood feel like it's voting for progressive ideas, but which are actually insidious repudiations of everything the last year's reckoning has attempted to address!!— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) January 7, 2019 BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY and GREEN BOOK are definitely the best movies of the year unless you ask the communities those movies were supposed to represent.— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) January 7, 2019 Bohemian Rhapsody winning just further sweeps Bryan Singer's actions under the rug and that's the worst part because diversity, inclusion, and change are and will always be marketing ploys. The old boys club protects its abusers while wearing times up pins.— Kayleigh! (@kayleighxarnold) January 7, 2019 Bohemian Rhapsody's win is controversial not just because of the film's general suckiness, but because it cites accused pedophile and seuxal assaulter Bryan Singer as a director.Perhaps the person who feels the sting of Bohemian Rhapsody's win most acutely—other than Singer's victims and Freddie Mercury's family—is Bradley Cooper, who left empty-handed despite his nominations in four categories.His leading lady, Lady Gaga, lost Best Actress to Glenn Close, but it's hard to be mad at Glenn Close, especially when she makes this face.GiphyHere's hoping that voters will smarten up over the next two months. Oscars voters to Bradley Cooper, hopefully. Giphy4. Kevin Spacey, because he was in court for his arraignment hearing after being charged with sexually assaulting an 18-year-old man in 2016. When TV presidents face consequences for sexual assault but the real president still doesn't... ShutterstockSpeaking of Bryan Singer...Kevin Spacey.Fresh off of releasing a truly terrifying video in character as House of Cards' Frank Underwood begging America to take him back, Spacey appeared in a Nantucket court today and plead not guilty to sexual assault. He faces up to five years in prison for assaulting a minor.WATCH: Kevin Spacey enters the Nantucket courtroom for his arraignment. https://t.co/I976R3qUkt pic.twitter.com/vH0NOPYcB1— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) January 7, 2019 Spacey flew to his arraignment in a literal private jet, hustling right back after entering his plea and taking off like the supervillain he is.After the hearing ended Kevin Spacey left the courtroom, was whisked into a silver SUV and was taken to the Nantucket airport where his private jet was waiting https://t.co/udS148jILV— The Hollywood Reporter (@THR) January 7, 2019 Spacey's easy afternoon has people remarking on the gross injustice that is the American justice system.Walks in a free man, in a nice suit. I wish my clients were treated w/ as much humanity. Yet my clients, who get arrested for a suspended license, are cuffed, fingerprinted, held in a cell at a precinct, taken to central bookings, 12-48 hours later brought into court in cuffs. https://t.co/7PmIgZUXDB— Scott Hechinger (@ScottHech) January 7, 2019 Kevin Spacey is not the president, he just played one on TV, but it would be remarkably presidential of him to end up in prison.3. Chrissy Metz, because people thought she called Alison Brie a b*tch. This is Fuss. ShutterstockThe drama at last night's Golden Globes wasn't just the Cooper shutout, but also a manufactured red carpet "hot mic incident" that sent PR teams into crisis mode.This is Us star Chrissy Metz was allegedly caught calling Alison Brie "such a b*tch," which personally I can't hear so I should probably get my ears checked.Chrissy Metz caught on hot mic calling Alison Brie "such a bitch" on Golden Globes red carpet pic.twitter.com/bW2ZpVEKmU— Chicks in the Office (@ChicksInTheOff) January 7, 2019 Whereas bloggers heard "b*tch," tweeters heard "babe."Babe. And so clearly that the other way seems contrived.— Augustus “Wear. A. Mask.” (@ExaltedOne7) January 7, 2019 Metz herself insists that she'd never say such a thing.It’s terribly unfortunate anyone would think much less run a story that was completely fabricated! I adore Alison and would never say a bad word about her, or anyone! I sure hope she knows my heart. https://t.co/IdeN2x2j9q— Chrissy Metz (@ChrissyMetz) January 7, 2019 Nice try, anyone. As fun as catfights are, we don't need to make them up when there's the perfectly good, very real Nicki Minaj vs. Cardi B feud. If there actually was beef between Metz and Brie, here's hoping that they would take it to the wrestling ring. Brie really is a babe. Giphy 2. The Illinois man whose house was filled with poop after a nursing home flushed adult diapers down the toilet. You're welcome for sparing you a real picture of poop. ShutterstockA dude in Springfield, Illinois' house was quite literally full of sh*t after the nursing home across the street's habit of illegally flushing diapers exploded in his face.Russell Grochowik lives across the street from Springfield Health and Rehab, and the facility is a real sh*tty neighbor."I wouldn't want to wish this on my worst enemy," Grochowik told WCAX. "I came down my stairs at 9 a.m. I heard like a waterfall of water running. I looked around the corner and the bathtub was full of sewage and the toilet." It's funny when it's not your house. GiphyGrochowik described the burst pipe's diarrhea as "running out just like a tidal wave," and the excrement seeped through the kitchen tiles and flooded the cellar.He intends to sue the nursing home for pain and suffering and damages to his home.Suck it, old people.1. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, because she looked like an idiot on Fox News. FOX NEWS! It takes propaganda to know propaganda. GettyIn her effort to make President Trump's temper tantrum refusing to open the government until he gets his useless border wall NOT look like a temper tantrum over a useless border wall, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders went on Fox News to scare people into thinking a billion-dollar concrete slab is necessary for national security.Huckabee Sanders brought her fake news to Fox News, where she told Chris Wallace that the miles-long monument to racism on the southern border is vital for apprehending terrorists.According to Aunt Lydia, "roughly nearly 4,000 known or suspected terrorists come into our country illegally, and we know that our most vulnerable point of entry is at our southern border."Actually..."I studied up on this. Do you know where those 4,000 people come or where they’re captured? Airports," Wallace emphatically stated.Here's the video of Chris Wallace fact-checking Sarah Sanders on her false claim that terrorists are streaming over the border with Mexico."The state department says there hasn’t been any terrorists found coming across the southern border." Via Fox. pic.twitter.com/ByMaa9TK2S— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) January 6, 2019 Do you know how dumb you have to be to be a Trump administration official who gets fact checked on state TV? The answer is "very, very dumb."The Great Moment In The Fight For Facts was covered by every network except for—you guessed it—Fox News.A funny thing happened after Chris Wallace grilled Sarah Sanders over the administration's false immigration talking point. CNN and MSNBC both gave the exchange significant coverage. But Fox News, Wallace's own network, almost completely ignored it. https://t.co/opJh5sGfhx pic.twitter.com/2KrWGNSNdH— Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) January 7, 2019 To paraphrase Taylor Swift, "Propagandists gonna propaganda da da da da."