5. Betsy DeVos, because she got schooled on schools.
Last night on 60 Minutes, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos failed to answer the most basic of questions about schools (in case you're as confused as she is, a "school" is "an institution designed to provide learning spaces and learning environments for the teaching of students under the direction of teachers.")
The billionaire with no experience in education or education policy struggled to respond to the most basic pushback about her plan to funnel federal federal money away from public schools and into private and charter schools, because why should a cabinet secretary tasked with overseeing the education of millions be able to explain what they're doing?
Unlike President Trump and most of his cabinet secretaries, it appears that DeVos is at least capable of feeling shame. This morning, she got defensive on Twitter, insisting that while she struggles to explain what "kids" are, she does, in fact, care about them.
Betsy DeVos's incompetence is funny until you realize that millions of kids will suffer because of it........then it's HILARIOUS!
4. This elderly Utah woman who was charged with hiring a few too many hitmen.
Linda Tracy Gillman, 70, is currently on trial for hiring a hitman—and was just charged again for the same crime.
KSL reports that the senior citizen in Harriman, Utah was convicted of trying to arrange her ex-husband murdered, then charged with seeking a second hitman while in jail, and was just charged AGAIN with hiring a third hitman because third time's a charm.
It all started in December 2016, when Gillman allegedly gave an employee of her's $5,000 to carry out a hit on her ex and his new wife, promising him $100,000 more once she got some of that sweet life insurance money.
Instead of going to the ex to kill him, the employee went to the police. In June 2017, while in jail, she allegedly asked an another inmate whom she thought was in a white supremacist gang to hit the failed hit man who sent her to prison.
"Gillman referred to herself as 'the bank,' and said that she 'could make everything happen'" if the inmate could take out the tattler.
Now on trial for her first attempted hit, Gillman allegedly tried to arrange for the prosecution's key witness to be murdered.
I'm sorry, lady, but you should get a new hobby. Hiring hitmen just doesn't fill the time.
3. Taylor Swift, because people are accusing her of plagiarizing a perfume commercial.
Last night at the iHeart Radio Awards, Taylor Swift debuted a new music video for all the people who aren't bored of her already.
The video, for her song "Delicate," is yet another exploration of how much it sucks to be famous, as the fragile T-Swift magically became invisible and seized the opportunity to goofily dance around a hotel lobby.
People on Twitter quickly accused the video of ripping off a famous 2016 ad for Kenzo perfume directed by Spike Jonze, down to the "angry gorilla dance."
✔ angry gorilla dance
— kenny wassus (@kgw) March 12, 2018
✔ gesturing wildly at man's head not paying attn to u pic.twitter.com/e1AWp7WhtB
✔ profile tracking shot of militant walk
— kenny wassus (@kgw) March 12, 2018
✔ ballet leap (one v good, the other ... not as good — granted margaret qualley is a mutant dance goddess, so taylor was doomed there) pic.twitter.com/fLm2BM1M9b
This is important. Also:
— Christian (@4pointOH) March 12, 2018
✔️ dancing in spotlight pic.twitter.com/5kyVff1tg2
The Kenzo ad stars classically trained ballerina and Leftovers actor Margaret Qualley. It was also choreographed by Sia's choreographer.
Watch the video and judge for yourself.
2. Caitlyn Jenner, because she just had the revelation that Trump is bad for women and LGBT people.
Ignorance is bliss, and Caitlyn Jenner is blissful no longer.
After endorsing Donald Trump and saying he would be "very good for women’s rights," defending voting for him, and wearing a MAGA hat after he tried to ban trans people from serving in the military, Jenner has now seen the light about Trump's darkness.
"As far as trans issues, this administration has been the worst ever," she told Newsweek at the Champions of Jewish Values International Awards Gala (also, what was she doing at the Champions of Jewish Values International Awards Gala?)
"They’ve set our community back 20 years, easily," Jenner said. "It’s going to be hard to change, but we’ve been through these types of things before and we’ll continue to fight it."
People hate to say "I told her so," so they're calling on her to apologize for having been so dangerously wrong.
Caitlyn Jenner voted for him and used her power to persuade others to do the same. Caitlyn Jenner can kiss my ass.
— AMB (@amb573) March 10, 2018
Here's one person who realized they were duped by Trump.
Only 62,984,824 to go.
1. The guy who broke into an animal shelter to steal gumballs.
A guy now known as the "gumball bandit" crawled through the pet door at a Sacramento shelter not for cash, but for gumballs.
The video plays out like a kooky Charlie Chaplin film as the guy sneaks through the door, only to have an impossible time sneaking the machine out and spilling the gumballs all over the floor.
The Front Street Animal Shelter is seeking assistance in capturing the criminal.
Watch the extended video while listening to Yakety Sax.
It's not just about the balls.
The dozens of quarters in the machine belong to the shelter. In the video, the "disgruntled bandit" tried to open the coin compartment, "not realizing that a donation box full of cash is sitting a few feet away."
The Front Street Animal Shelter notes, "don’t feel too sorry for this candy crook, he did just steal from a shelter after all."