5. Ryan Seacrest, because nobody wanted to talk to him.
There was a lot of talk of Time's Up at last night's Oscars, with a few glaring examples of how much work the industry has to do to catch up to women. Gary Oldman, who was accused of beating his ex-wife with a telephone in front of their children, won Best Actor. Kobe Bryant, who settled a rape allegation in civil court, is now an Academy Award winner for Best Animated Short.
And speaking of Animated Shorts, Ryan Seacrest, who was accused of sexual harassment by his former stylist, was stationed on the red carpet by E!, and not everyone was into the stop-and-chat. In an awesome act of defiance, most A-listers decided to shrug him off, because who wants to talk to Seacrest anyway?
A star that did face the Seacrest monster was Taraji P. Henson, who sure seemed to place a hex upon his house.
Though time wasn't up for Seacrest this year, by failing to get a lot of good interviews, Seacrest might just be over come the Oscars in 2019.
4. Donald Trump, because he had his campaign correspondences subpoenaed by Robert Mueller.
The grand jury investigating alleged collusion between Russia and Donald Trump's presidential campaign has sent a witness a subpoena seeking all documents involving the president and a host of his closest advisers, according to a copy of the subpoena reviewed by NBC News.
According to the subpoena, which was sent to a witness by special counsel Robert Mueller, investigators want emails, text messages, work papers, telephone logs and other documents going back to Nov. 1, 2015, 4½ months after Trump launched his campaign...
The subpoena indicates that Mueller may be focused not just on what Trump campaign aides knew and when they knew it, but also on what Trump himself knew.
People familiar with the mechanics of criminal investigations tweeted about just how big a deal this is.
Is being forced to turn over documents to the special counsel bad news for Trump? I think so!
Does the suggestion that this portion of the investigation is focusing on possible collusion rather than obstruction of justice something that should make him sh*t his pants? Totally!
Is the suggestion that a large variety of people associated with the Trump campaign have precarious things to reveal and it would be illegal for them not to comply! Absolutely!
To that, I say:
3. The surgeon who performed brain surgery on the wrong patient, because he performed brain surgery on the wrong patient.
A neurosurgeon in Nairobi, Kenya done made a little goof. Thanks to a mix up at the hospital with some name tags, the doc opened the wrong skull to remove a blood clot. The dude whose head he ended up cutting open simply needed nursing and medication to heal the trauma swelling in his head.
The team only discovered the mistake hours into the surgery, where deep into the dude's open head, they didn't see the blood clot they were supposed to remove.
The Daily Nation reports that this adorable, slapstick switcheroo has gotten the neurosurgeon, the ward nurse, theater receiving nurse, and the anesthetist suspended, because hospitals don't appreciate this type of comedy gold.
2. Henry Cavill, because he just found out that he died.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say our goodbyes to Henry Cavill, the beautiful hunk of man meat who has apparently left this earth to return to his home planet of Krypton.
The absolute Adonis crafted by the gods discovered today that he has been dead since Saturday, and insists that it is fake news.
To paraphrase Mark Twain, the reports of his death have been greatly exaggerated.
"When you learn that you died 2 days ago...." Cavill posted, along with a selfie he insists was from today.
We're going to see a selfie with today's date. And make it shirtless, just so we know you don't have any chest wounds or anything.
1. Emma Watson, because her Oscars tattoo had messed up grammar.
As both Hermione and Belle (and her work with the UN!), Emma Watson is the Patron Saint of Beauty and Bookishness.
The actress and activist (actressvist?) decided to one-up Time's Up pins at the annual Vanity Fair Oscar after-party with a temporary tattoo instead, but it's missing a little line.
What's supposed to be "Time's Up" is apostrophe-free.
So does this mean The New York Times is next up to interview her?
Is she up with the Los Angeles Times?
How does an Ivy League graduate such as Watson miss the crucial piece of punctuation?
Alas, no points for Gryffindor here.