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Woman gets mad at husband for taking a Christmas nap; people are very divided.

Woman gets mad at husband for taking a Christmas nap; people are very divided.


Christmas is a great day to keep the coffee and sweets flowing, the toys and gifts circulating, and a fluffed-up pillow on the couch for the inevitable crash nap.

But when a relationship is under stress, even something as innocuous as a nap can create holiday tension.

Such was the case for an exhausted mom who turned to the AITA subreddit for advice on her husband's Christmas napping habits.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my husband that I don't want him to take a nap on Christmas day?

My husband (40M) and I (F39) have been married for more than 15 years. We're independent people, but we enjoy spending time together too. He's a night owl, and I'm a light sleeper.

I can't sleep in no matter what I do, and I never nap, I'm not good at it anyway, and I consider it lost time in a day, and time lost with our daughters (9 and 10) and time that could have been well spent doing chores, playing, exercising, etc.

My husband LOVES to nap. He'd do it almost every day. Besides, he sleeps in every morning on weekends and days off. I don't mind that much because I would also like to do it, if only I could. We used to take turns when I was still able to sleep in.

However, that is on top of the napping. Even if I tell him to please go to bed earlier, to please not nap, especially when the girls are around, he just doesn't care. He'll nap anyway. He never gives in to my requests. Today's Christmas day.

We had a party yesterday and we went to bed very late. I was exhausted. However, that was his usual bedtime (I go to bed 2-3 hours before he does). We managed to wake up at 9 a.m., which is awesome for me.

We watched our daughters open up their presents and ate breakfast. I asked everyone if they'd like to watch a Christmas movie. The girls declined, preferring to play with their toys. Then my husband immediately went to bed. At like 11 a.m. on Christmas Day­.

I'm beyond appalled. I can't even believe this. We could have played with the girls, watched a different movie or even anything he'd enjoy, clean up the Christmas mess, anything, anything at all, but no, he went back to bed. AITA for critiquing him, being mad at him on Christmas day, and for trying to control when he sleeps?

The jury of the internet quickly weighed in.

IAmHerdingCatz wrote:

YTA. First, if your husband sleeps this much you need to consider if he has an untreated sleep disorder. If so, this could cause huge problems down the road for his physical health.

Second, you and he clearly need to sit down and have an open and honest discussion. Is he depressed? Is he using sleeping as an escape from marital issues or family responsibilities? A good therapist could help you sort these issues.

Third, stop being jealous of your husband's ability to sleep and seek treatment for your own insomnia.

Fourth, don't let this ruin Christmas for the kids. My mom was always just nasty and angry about something every Christmas, all day, and it made Christmas horrible.

RickyNixon wrote:

Also, isn't the Christmas Nap a normal part of the holiday? I stayed up late, I got up early, I family’d hard, and now I’m gonna take a siesta.

And usually, the rest of the family does the same; had no idea there was anyone out there who'd have a problem with a good old fashioned Christmas nap.

Particular-Set5396 wrote:

Husband systematically takes time off the family to sleep and he is the victim?

Please. If it had been the wife, she would have been crucified.

Those double standards are really something else.


MountainTomato9292 wrote:

Good lord, Christmas Day naps are like the best part of Christmas. My kids go play on their new stuff, and we put on football and nap on the couch. You sound like the reason I don’t do Christmas Day at my mom’s house anymore.

You were “appalled”? YTA.

claireclairey wrote:

NTA. For wanting to spend time with your husband.

Princess-Soprano wrote:

YTA for arguing with everyone who says YTA. If you don't want an answer to your AITA question--or you're only willing to accept a 'NTA' answer--then don't bother posting the question here.

Hi, OP. I've read your OP, plus your other comments. You keep bringing up the kids. Are they upset about not getting enough time with their dad?

It also seems like you have a picture in your head about how you want Christmas to go, but it's not happening the way you want it to. As far as your kids go, they are 9 and 10 - they can play without constant direct supervision.

From what you said, they don't seem to care that he is napping. It also sounds like you're just fed up with your husband's sleeping patterns. I totally get that, and if it's bothering you, maybe you should insist he see a doctor about his sleep habits.

Get a blood panel run, maybe a sleep study done, and see if there isn't something else going on there. It could be multiple things.

Something like ADHD wouldn't show up on those particular tests, but it can cause dis-regulated sleep, and it can be very difficult to maintain a normal schedule. Of course, there are other health issues, too, that can cause sleep issues.

In my house, I don't nap all the time, but I used to before my ADHD was treated. The medication helps me to maintain a somewhat more normal schedule, honestly. I also have health issues that cause fatigue.

The meds also help with the fatigue. There are multiple factors in my case. In my marriage, my husband is the early bird, and I am the night owl. My husband has always been understanding about my struggles.

Plus, add raising a bunch of kids who never slept through the night until they were 3 years old. It has become even more challenging to keep a regular sleep schedule. I would stop trying to control your husband's sleep.

But I think if it bothers you that much you should also insist on getting some medical tests run.

Also, if you are feeling like you are missing out on spending time with your husband, maybe see if you can schedule time with him every week where it's the two of you hanging out or having a date night, or whatever.

I think there are little things you can do that would make yourself happier without feeling like you are nagging or having a battle with him, or whatever. And, maybe you should also get some medical tests run for your sleep issues.

After receiving ample feedback, she jumped back on to clarify and double down on her Christmas nap stance.

EDIT: Okay, so you all have kids? Kids alone on Christmas Day with a father that doesn't care? PLUS the +- 104 days of the weekends throughout the year he spends in bed without spending time with them?

I don't care that much that it's Christmas day, to me it's worse honestly, but if that were THE ONE time of the year, it would be ok. But no, he naps ALL THE TIME, not just today! I don't think you took the whole situation in consideration.

It seems clear that this post is far more indicative of a long-standing negative marital dynamic than a singular Christmas nap.

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