Exchanging gifts during the holidays can be such a fun time for a couple.
You spend all this time the rest of the year learning what makes each other tick, what sparks joy, and those special treats your significant other gets giddy over, and now you have a chance to pour all that knowledge into your own gift for them.
Sadly, however, gifts can also bring out tension and conflict when things go south.
AITA for canceling my girlfriend's Christmas gift and not buying her another?
I (27) have been with my girlfriend (25) for three years. She is absolutely wonderful in every aspect aside from when it comes to getting her gifts. She ALWAYS snoops until she finds out what I or her friends and family got for her.
It's frustrating because I put a lot of thought into her gifts and I'm always excited to see her reaction but I can tell she's pretending to be surprised. This year I made her promise not to go snooping for her gift or else I would get her something small.
She promised and I went all out. She's very into makeup but has it all on a small coffee table with a hand mirror. I wanted to get her a bigger space to work so I found a pretty pricey vanity with a mirror built into it.
It wasn't breaking the bank but it was definitely more than anything I had ever gotten for her before. I ordered it a few weeks ago. Last week, I caught her listing the table for sale and asked her what that was about.
She said she wasn't going to be needing it for much longer and I immediately knew she was snooping. I was so angry I canceled her gift. It was supposed to arrive yesterday.
I suppose she saw that when she was snooping too, because when no package came she asked me about it. I told her what I did. She blew up, called me selfish, and told me to get out (of my house).
She's never acted like this before and I was very taken aback. She said she's just curious by nature and has anxiety about what gift she's getting and needs to know.
She does have problems with anxiety so I understand where she's coming from. Did I overreact?
People quickly weighed in with their thoughts on the festive fight.
NTA because she shouldn't be snooping. I wonder what else she's been digging into in your private life. Where there is no respect, there is no trust. You reap what you sow.
NTA. When she tells you to get out of your own house because the gift she has not been given did not arrive at your house after you warned her of the consequences for invading your privacy she has crossed the final boundary.
She will never get better. She will never respect your privacy, space, or requests. This Christmas, give her the freedom she wants and say goodbye.
I agree NTA, but is anyone else weirded out by this whole dynamic? It’s kind of...odd that OP has to incentivize the girlfriend to respect OP’s wishes as if she’s a toddler.
The entire scenario OP just described sounds like an exchange I’d see between a mother and her 5-year-old at a mall.
Like, “Alright, listen sweetie, if you promise not to snoop around, Mommy will buy you a BIG present. Okay? Sound good? Can you do that?” Very weird dynamic there.
NTA. You warned her but she chose to press forward. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes....or in this case, lose the prize entirely. She needs to grow up.
Change all your passwords and your phone code. Have your phone checked for tracking bugs, same for your computer. I'm suddenly thinking this could be a lot more seriously snooping than merely presents alone.
So she's...going through your emails? Your phone? Eesh, that's not cool.
Look if she's desperate to know what her gifts are and you want gifts to be a surprise, that's something you're gonna need to talk out between yourselves about how gifts work in the future.
But promising not to and then digging through emails is just disrespectful. Anxiety doesn't excuse disrespect. NTA.
Clearly, this thread doesn't side with OP's girlfriend.