'AITA for taking away the gift I bought my MIL?' + PETTY REVENGE & TIFU
"AITA for taking away the gift I bought my MIL?"
This year I got a new job that has been paying me very well. So for this Christmas I decided to splurge on everyone. In particular, I spent a lot of my money on my nine-year-old daughter and she deserves it 100%.
She has been pushing herself in school, helping around in the house without being asked, and always being the kindest soul you'll ever meet.
However, when my mother-in-law came early in the morning and saw how the gifts under our tree were much more than usual she asked why. I told her I bought everyone a bunch of gifts, including her.
She then preceded to ask how many gifts I got my daughter and I told her about 3 big gifts and 3 mini ones.
Apparently, this outraged her because she started saying that a nine-year-old did not deserve that many gifts and she would be taking away the gift she bought my daughter so that my daughter wouldn't be too spoiled.
I told her that was unfair especially since my mother-in-law promised my daughter a doll for Christmas and my daughter was looking forward to it. My mother-in-law said let it be a lesson to my daughter that in life she can't get all things she asks for.
Look I understand that, but it's not like I shower my daughter with gifts every day. And if anything Christmas is the day you are supposed to spoil your children.
But my wife told me to let it go and it was her mother's gift and therefore she could do anything she wanted with it and her mother agreed saying it was her right. And if we were going to play with that ideology then so be it.
I decided to remove the $600 designer bag I got my MIL, the thing I knew she wanted the most, and kept a $40 robe instead.
Once my MIL opened her present she was disappointed asking if that was all from me, because everyone got more expensive gifts from me. I said yes, and apologized if I disappointed her but we can't always get the gifts we hoped for.
After this happened, there was tension all day and once everyone left my wife was furious that I bought everyone things way more expensive than her mother.
I explained that I did buy her mom a $600 designer bag but decided against it once she took away the gift she bought my daughter. My wife started saying I was very petty and that her mother and my daughter didn't relate.
Especially since my daughter got so many gifts from me that she didn't even care that my mil didn't buy her a doll (of course my daughter wouldn't show she was upset). While my mother-in-law only received some cheap robe.
Throughout the day she has been making me feel guilty and now I feel as if I should give my MIL the bag tomorrow but my sister is convincing me to stay true to my decision and return the bag.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ariadne_of_crete wrote:
NTA. INFO: Is your wife your daughter’s mother? That isn’t clear to me from your post.
Regardless, stick to your guns. Return the handbag tomorrow. Your MIL is using your daughter as a pawn in some twisted power play, and your wife is playing along. Imagine how your MIL and perhaps even your own wife treat your daughter when you aren’t around.
theantigrinch OP responded:
Sorry for not making it clear, but yes my wife is my daughters mother!
GreekAmericanDom wrote:
NTA. You need to sit your wife down and have a serious talk. Your MIL punished your daughter as a proxy for imposing her values on you. Your daughter is innocent in all of this.
Make it clear to your wife, that you are not going to let anyone use your daughter as a pawn, regardless of whether she realized it or not. Your MIL was willfully cruel to a child. You will not be keeping the peace.
You will be setting boundaries. And if your wife has issues with that, then you two have a serious issue.
webfloss wrote:
It’s concerning that your wife seems uninterested in your daughter's feelings…
FreightTrainBaby wrote:
Return the bag and put the $600 in your daughter’s college fund. NTA.
mrslII wrote:
NTA. Your MIL is, though. She wanted to 'teach your daughter a lesson' by not giving her a gift that she had been looking forward to because 'you don't get everything you ask for.'
She doesn't want your daughter ito be 'spoiled'. She was upset because others received 'better' gifts than she did? Grandmother learned that words have meanings and actions have consequences.
Grandmother could have been spoiled. Grandmother could have received a lovely gift, that she had been looking forward to, but you don't get everything that you ask for. Isn't that correct, Grandmother? She is angry because it is a bitter pill that she swallowed.
swillshop wrote:
NTA. Top comment is right that your biggest problem is your wife. Wife's mother is incredibly nosy. She then imposes a punishment on you and your wife's daughter for no other reason than SHE decided you daughter shouldn't get that much for Christmas...AND YOUR WIFE HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THAT.
Wife is MORE CONCERNED ABOUT HER MOTHER NOT GETTING ONE MORE GIFT than she is about her own daughter not getting one more gift.
Do not give that woman the purse, but I don't think it would hurt for her to know that you had thought to give her a $600 purse. But, after her listening to her views on not spoiling others with too many gifts, you felt you needed to honor her views in what you gave her.
Later OP posted this in Petty Revenge: "Refuse to give the gift you promised my daughter? Fine, I'll take away the gift I got for you."
This year I got a new job that has been paying me very well. Therefore, for this Christmas I decided to splurge on everyone . In particular, I spent a lot of my money on my nine year old daughter and she deserves in 100%. She has been pushing herself in school, helping around in the house without being asked, and always being the kindest soul you'll ever meet.
However, when my mother in law came early in the morning and saw how the gifts under our tree were much more than usual she asked why. I told her I bought everyone a bunch of gifts, including her. She then preceded to ask how much gifts I got my daughter and I told her about 3 big gifts and 3 mini ones.
Apparently, this outraged her because she started saying that a nine year old did not deserve that many gifts and she would be taking away the gift she bought my daughter so that my daughter wouldn't be too spoiled.
I told her that was unfair especially since my mother in law promised my daughter a doll for Christmas and my daughter was looking forward for it. My mother in law said let it be a lesson to my daughter that in life she cant get all things she asks for.
Look I understand that, but its not like I shower my daughter in gifts everyday. And if anything Christmas is the day you are supposed to spoil your children. But my wife told me to let it go and it was her mothers gift and therefore she could do anything she wanted with it and her mother agreed saying it was her right.
And if we were going to play with that ideology then so be it. I decided to remove the 600$ designer bag I got my MIL, the thing I knew she wanted the most, and gave her a 40$ robe instead.
Once my MIL opened her present she was disappointed asking if that was all from me, because everyone else got increasingly more expensive gifts from me. And I said yes and apologized if I disappointed her but we cant always get the gifts we hoped for.
This left both her and my wife extremely furious, but hey the MIL got enough gifts I wouldn't want to spoil her!
Here's what people had to say about this post:
black_rose_ wrote:
Wow what kind of [pos] gets upset that a little kid is getting 6 presents on Xmas wtf
TastyPlantBased wrote:
I know right? As a kid me and my brother got one expensive gift and looooads of little ones, like 15 or so. Small things, some silly things, chocolates, clothes, small toys etc and my family were not well off imo. If anything I feel insanely spoiled compared to OPs daughter!
iso_mer wrote:
You were nice to give her a robe.
Then OP posted this in TIFU: "TIFU by deciding to be petty and getting back at my MIL online only to be fired for inappropriate social media behavior."
About ten days ago, on Christmas, my mother in law declared that I bought to many presents for my daughter. Due to that, she took removed the gift she got my daughter to avoid "spoiling her". My wife agreed with her mother, and out of rage I took back the $600 designer bag I bought my MIL. (Originally posted on r/amithea%$#ole but got removed so post can be found on r/pettyrevenge).
From the comments on r/amithe%$#hole many people gave me the idea to return the bag I got my MIL and use it towards a day out with my daughter.
I thought that was brilliant but took the idea too far by posting a picture of the bag and my daughter with the doll and alluding to the fact that this was my MIL original gift. People kept messaging me asking for updates on how that day went, and sadly not the best.
My MIL saw the post and made comments under the post slandering me along with my wife and her family. Instead of being a bit of a more mature adult and talking things out in person, I engaged with the comments.
My MIL was trying to pain my as the villain for not getting her a proper gift and her family was as awhile. I fought back with the comments and my section became a mess. I was tired of dealing with everything so I set my phone aside and fell asleep.
Then I wake up and start my day like no other and arrive at work. My job is very image conscious so I shouldn't have been surprised when I was called in to talk to my boss. He explained how my instagram post didn't display the equality and good-manner of the company and I needed to delete my instagram post.
Of course I complied, I wasn't going to lose my job over being petty. However, over the hours of being at my job my MIL and her family made posts insinuating bad thing about me while tagging me in them. Along I could untag myself from those posts my boss explained the situation kept gaining traction and he couldn't risk it damaging company image so I was fired.
Yes fired for being petty and my wife just responded with "its karma". Maybe it is, but I don't regret anything. Job searching will be fun.
Here's what people had to say about this post:
wikideenu wrote:
I'm SHOCKED that your wife is that nonchalant about you losing your job. You guys are pretty wealthy it seems like, who is the primary bread winner? The only reason I ask is that it's crazy to me that if you were the primary earner, she would have that kind of reaction to your family's income just getting cut off like that.
ExtremePast wrote:
Why would your job even have your Instagram account? That's wild that you'd even share that with them.
Orakil wrote:
He could have just had coworkers following him that reported it to the company if it was that embarrassing. If this guy is that petty and immature I'm sure he hasn't made a ton of friends at work.
Zerychbrx13 wrote:
Whoa your wife is really NOT supportive. I mean, we don't have the full picture but god damn, being victim of a smear campaign to the point of getting fired and getting no support from the person whose family did that... That sucks.